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Saturday, April 9, 2005
Love through a high-speed connection


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An online lark turned into love after Susanna Virden posted her personal profile on The Onion's Web site, eliciting interest from Boulder resident Michael Sharp. They live together in Frisco, using a computer now to store photos of their adventures.
An online lark turned into love after Susanna Virden posted her personal profile on The Onion's Web site, eliciting interest from Boulder resident Michael Sharp. They live together in Frisco, using a computer now to store photos of their adventures.
Summit Daily/Reid Williams
SUMMIT COUNTY - Frisco resident Susanna Virden never expected to fall in love when she posted a profile describing herself on the website of the satirical publication The Onion about two years ago.

Virden, 37, wasn't fully committed to online dating at the time and "was too chicken to post a photo."

Furthermore, she didn't want to pay the monthly fee, so she skirted the rules by working her e-mail address into her characterization, spelling out "at", "dot" and "com" to avoid being discovered.

Her profile was active just long enough for Virden to receive two messages - one from The Onion telling her she needed to pay up and a second from then Boulder resident Michael Sharp, now 30.

"You said you love the mountains, you love to be outside and you were learning to (telemark ski)," Sharp recalled of Virden's profile as the couple sat side-by-side in their Frisco home.

Virden and Sharp corresponded via e-mail for 10 weeks, a length of time they both say is way too long, before finally meeting face-to-face at a coffee shop in Golden on a bluebird spring day in April.

Coffee turned into breakfast, followed by a hike in nearby Eldorado canyon and eventually a homecooked dinner and conversation that lasted early into the next morning.

The two continued to spend every weekend together until Sharp moved to Summit County five months later.

The couple now shares a Frisco condominium decorated with vivid photographs, travel books and a huge map of the world serving as a testament to their shared love for the outdoors and new adventures.

Internet matches find success
Success stories such as Virden and Sharp's are becoming more common as the internet becomes a popular portal to meet prospective partners.

Leah Bornstein, dean of Colorado Mountain College, met her fianc&#233; using Match.com and knows of three other colleagues who met their spouses online as well.

"In my mind, it cuts out the first four months of getting to know you because it's all right there; there's your r&#233;sum&#233;," Bornstein said.

A September 2004 survey of about 5,000 recently engaged or married couples on weddingchannel.com showed 12 percent of the couples met online.

It's no wonder, considering the possibilities for online dating services are virtually endless.

A Yahoo search for "online dating" pops up millions of results advertising dating services or chat rooms designed to fit any desire, from single mothers, Christians, sports enthusiasts and people looking for partners in countries all over the world.

"Almost everybody I talk to, they've had or people they know have had success with it," said Dawn Austin, a divorced mother of two and nine-year resident of Summit County.

Austin began exploring online dating about a year ago to broaden the scope of possible love interests from Summit County into Eagle County and the Front Range.

Regardless of whether she finds her soul mate, Austin said her dates that don't evolve into a romantic relationship often turn into good friendships.
Suggested Dos and Don’ts by Online Daters
• Don’t wait too long to meet. About six e-mails should be plenty to decide whether you want to meet face-to-face.
• Do meet in a public place.
• Don’t lie or exaggerate in your profile or use an unrealistic picture of yourself.
• Do spell check your profile if you’re a bad speller.
• Don’t have high expectations about the date.
• Do go on the first date with five questions in mind you want to ask your date.
• Do make it a quick date. There’s no harm getting coffee or a drink, but planning for an entire dinner date could be a mistake if you’re not a match.


Narrowing the field
While venturing online opens doors to people you would otherwise never meet, another opinion is that the growing trend of online dating is a natural progression in this age of technology.

We use the internet to pay our bills, shop, search for jobs or keep in touch with old friends, so why not make a love connection online?

According to a September 2001 Census Bureau survey, 64.4 percent of all homes in Colorado have a computer and 58.2 percent have access to the internet.

From 1997 to 2001, the number of Americans with computers in the home rose 20 percent, the survey said.

"My computer is on 10 times more than my TV," said Silverthorne resident and online dater Eric Thompson. "I'll check the weather on my computer before I open the window."

So, maybe it's the convenience factor; but also, getting to know someone by way of e-mails or phone calls before an actual in-person meeting can help relieve some of the first-date jitters.

Thompson said he wasn't nervous at all meeting his girlfriend of two months, Brenda, for the first time because they had already exchanged pages and pages of e-mails and had several phone conversations.

Another benefit is with so many dating services available at the click of the mouse, it's easy to find common ground with someone.

For instance, in a profile, you can designate whether or not you're looking for a short- or long-term commitment, whether you want kids, whether you'll consider dating somebody who has children, is divorced or is willing to relocate. You can enter age, height or weight requirements.

"If you're looking for a fun physical fling, you'll find a fun physical fling," Sharp said. "If you're looking for someone who wants to get married and have five kids, you'll find someone who wants to get married and have five kids."
Becoming on Online Dater
• Create a profile. This can be a lengthy, 45 minutes to an hour process, with most of the services asking hundreds of questions, such as whether you consider yourself liberal or conservative, cold, warm, aloof, gregarious, attractive, vivacious, the list goes on. eharmony.com even asks whether you read the all the warning literature on side-effects before taking any medication.
• Search other profiles. You can define your own search using age, geographic and gender preferences. You can often show your interest in people and browse profiles without paying, but if you want to contact somebody, a subscription is required. Costs are anywhere from $13 to $30 per month depending on how long you want to commit. Many services offer a mutual match service that suggests people who are best fit for you.
• If you see someone who piques your interest, you can send a note using your profile username or anonymously. If your interest is reciprocated, you can continue by exchanging e-mail addresses or phone numbers.


The strange factor
Two years ago when Thompson decided to try meeting people online - originally to find a hiking partner before he moved to Colorado - he was hesitant that using the internet would portray him in an unfavorable light.

"I thought it was pathetic," Thompson said. "To be honest, it seemed like it would be a place where people would meet when they have a severe lack of social skills."

When he and Brenda decided it was time to meet in person, his biggest concern was that she felt safe.

"I wanted to make absolutely sure she was comfortable," he said. "When you meet a guy on the internet, there's a great big question mark, 'Is he real? Is he crazy?'"

None of the women interviewed for this story have felt those worries or been on a date in which they felt concerned for their well-being.

But that doesn't mean every experience is going to have a positive outcome.

Virden set up a date with someone she met online, who turned out to be so boring she couldn't wait to escape.

Her current boyfriend, Sharp, went on plenty of first dates with women he met online before finding a match in Virden. He remembers one date with a woman in Denver who didn't quite fit the profile she had posted, neither physically nor educationally.

Sifting through all the bad seeds before you find a good one is part of dating as a whole and can't be attributed only to online dating, Sharp said.

He finds the only part of making a connection that you can't find online is the instant chemistry you experience when someone walks into a room and immediately makes your heart start beating fast.

But overall, he said, dating online is no different from meeting someone on the ski slope or in a coffee shop, it opens the door to meeting people you otherwise would never have the chance to meet.


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