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<i>*We have changed the name of the woman interviewed for this story to protect her and her children.</i>
SUMMIT COUNTY - Jane and her four daughters arrived in Summit County three months ago with no car, no home and no income, but the family felt a peace that they had not known for nearly a decade.
Jane, 34, had finally gathered the strength to leave an abusive relationship in another state and found solace in Colorado's majestic mountains.
"This is where I'm the strongest, this is where my kids are smiling every day, this is where my kids feel safe," she said.
It's been a long road, but Jane now works full-time, her kids are all enrolled in school and the family lives in a small, one-room transitional housing unit owned by the Advocates for Victims of Assault.
Jane called Summit County's trauma assistance nonprofit organization "the biggest supporter in my life."
When she first arrived into town, she and her kids lived in the Advocates' safehouse shelter until the transitional housing unit opened up. The Advocates helped care for her kids when she was hospitalized for eight days with a poisonous spider bite, and when she underwent neck surgery last month to repair the damage caused by the years of pushing and shoving she endured at the hands of her abuser. Most importantly, the volunteers and staff members have become friends.
"I couldn't have got on my feet without them, I couldn't have," Jane said.
<b>'I thought I could change him'</b>
Jane began dating her abuser nine years ago, and even at the beginning of the relationship, she knew there were problems.
"It was a struggle. We struggled a lot, but I thought that things were going to get better, you know, as we all think. And they didn't, they got so much worse," she said. "It was horrible. It was physical, emotional, mental, all kinds of abuse I suffered. My children suffered lots of emotional abuse, not physical, but emotional, which I don't know what's worse."
SUMMIT COUNTY - Jane and her four daughters arrived in Summit County three months ago with no car, no home and no income, but the family felt a peace that they had not known for nearly a decade.
Jane, 34, had finally gathered the strength to leave an abusive relationship in another state and found solace in Colorado's majestic mountains.
"This is where I'm the strongest, this is where my kids are smiling every day, this is where my kids feel safe," she said.
It's been a long road, but Jane now works full-time, her kids are all enrolled in school and the family lives in a small, one-room transitional housing unit owned by the Advocates for Victims of Assault.
Jane called Summit County's trauma assistance nonprofit organization "the biggest supporter in my life."
When she first arrived into town, she and her kids lived in the Advocates' safehouse shelter until the transitional housing unit opened up. The Advocates helped care for her kids when she was hospitalized for eight days with a poisonous spider bite, and when she underwent neck surgery last month to repair the damage caused by the years of pushing and shoving she endured at the hands of her abuser. Most importantly, the volunteers and staff members have become friends.
"I couldn't have got on my feet without them, I couldn't have," Jane said.
<b>'I thought I could change him'</b>
Jane began dating her abuser nine years ago, and even at the beginning of the relationship, she knew there were problems.
"It was a struggle. We struggled a lot, but I thought that things were going to get better, you know, as we all think. And they didn't, they got so much worse," she said. "It was horrible. It was physical, emotional, mental, all kinds of abuse I suffered. My children suffered lots of emotional abuse, not physical, but emotional, which I don't know what's worse."
Thinking things would improve, Jane married him in June 2000, 11 days after he put her arm through a plate glass window, hospitalizing her for five days. A year later the couple had their first child together, and 15 months after that, the second baby girl arrived.
Jane also thought the additions to the family would help calm the situation, but he continued to drink and use drugs, and to control her life. Jane wasn't allowed to have friends or associate with her family, and everything in the house had to be perfect, just the way he wanted it.
She and her kids constantly walked on eggshells.
"I wanted to stretch the family and I thought I would get that from him, you know, and I thought I could change him too, but I realized the person I needed to change was me," she said. "I learned a lot, I just wish it didn't take so long."
Jane woke up one morning and decided she wasn't going to live her life in constant fear anymore. She packed the kids in the car in January, and drove, not knowing where she was headed.
She ended up at a shelter in Colorado Springs, but her 18-year-old son (who now lives with his father, Jane's first husband) was past the age limit, so they spent the night in the car. They family then drove to the mountains and booked a room in a Summit County hotel, where the clerk referred them to Advocates.
They stayed in the safehouse for a month, then went back home. Jane lived with her mom, but allowed her youngest kids to see their father.
Things got worse.
When they left for good six months later, and returned to Summit County, Advocates' support was waiting.
"On average it takes a woman eight times before she can leave for good," said Advocates executive director Sarah Vaine. That's why when a person opts to leave the safehouse, Advocates lets she, or he, know that the doors are always open if the situation gets scary again, Vaine said.
Knowing there was help waiting in Summit County eased some of the stress of leaving behind everything she had ever known.
"I know - and I believe in God, I'm a Christian - I know in my whole soul, every being of my body that I would be dead had I stayed longer. By now I would be dead," Jane said, her voice shaking.
Jane also thought the additions to the family would help calm the situation, but he continued to drink and use drugs, and to control her life. Jane wasn't allowed to have friends or associate with her family, and everything in the house had to be perfect, just the way he wanted it.
She and her kids constantly walked on eggshells.
"I wanted to stretch the family and I thought I would get that from him, you know, and I thought I could change him too, but I realized the person I needed to change was me," she said. "I learned a lot, I just wish it didn't take so long."
Jane woke up one morning and decided she wasn't going to live her life in constant fear anymore. She packed the kids in the car in January, and drove, not knowing where she was headed.
She ended up at a shelter in Colorado Springs, but her 18-year-old son (who now lives with his father, Jane's first husband) was past the age limit, so they spent the night in the car. They family then drove to the mountains and booked a room in a Summit County hotel, where the clerk referred them to Advocates.
They stayed in the safehouse for a month, then went back home. Jane lived with her mom, but allowed her youngest kids to see their father.
Things got worse.
When they left for good six months later, and returned to Summit County, Advocates' support was waiting.
"On average it takes a woman eight times before she can leave for good," said Advocates executive director Sarah Vaine. That's why when a person opts to leave the safehouse, Advocates lets she, or he, know that the doors are always open if the situation gets scary again, Vaine said.
Knowing there was help waiting in Summit County eased some of the stress of leaving behind everything she had ever known.
"I know - and I believe in God, I'm a Christian - I know in my whole soul, every being of my body that I would be dead had I stayed longer. By now I would be dead," Jane said, her voice shaking.
Crisis calls on the rise
Last year, Advocates fielded 3,802 calls through its 24-hour confidential crisis phone line, most of which were trauma-related. Through September of this year, that number has already soared to 5,014, which is the highest volume of calls the organization has ever received in its 27-year history, Vaine said.Vaine attributed the increase to an overall jump in law enforcement-type calls in general this year in Summit County, and because the Advocates did a tremendous amount of community outreach last year, such as sending information home with all the kids in the school district.
Most of Advocates' crisis response calls are for sexual assaults or reports of abuse in the home.
"I'd say pretty consistently we get 80 to 85 percent domestic violence calls," Vaine said.
Every day in the U.S., 700 women are abused and four are murdered by their intimate partners, and domestic violence is just as much an issue in Summit County as in any other community.
Local detectives work domestic violence cases in both affluent and less wealthy neighborhoods, and reports of abuse come from both tourists and residents who are from all different ethnic backgrounds.
"I think that, for us, I know that it crosses socio-economic boundaries, I know that it's not specific to any race, it's just a universal problem," said Breckenridge Police Detective Amy Nordeen, who works closely with Advocates.
Nordeen said she believes domestic violence is underreported to police in Summit County, whether it's a fear -based, or due to one of a host of other reasons.
Many reports of domestic violence that do come to police are from witnesses or neighbors, said Frisco Detective Julie Polly.
And even though Advocates is completely confidential, victims sometimes still don't call for help when they're experiencing verbal or psychological abuse, Vaine said.
"People think I'm not a battered spouse because I don't go to the E.R. every week with a black eye or a broken arm," Vaine said. Advocates views domestic violence as physical harm, emotional abuse or verbal abuse.
The number of calls Advocates receives from the county's immigrant population had dropped in the past year, which Vaine believes stems from the changes in immigration law that have made undocumented citizens afraid to call agencies for help because they're scared of deportation.
Advocates is not required to ask for documentation from any of its clients, and offers the crisis line and a domestic violence support group in Spanish, as well as staffs two bilingual employees.
Along with running the safehouse - which has provided shelter to 38 women, 45 children and three men for a total of more than 400 nights of shelter this year - at an undisclosed location in the county, Advocates offers a full-range of support for domestic violence victims.
They arrange a free legal clinic, individual counseling and support groups, legal and court advocacy, and they help victims develop a safety plan for leaving an abusive relationship.
Advocates also offers a rental assistance plan, and aides victims in putting together a resume and finding a job.
"A big part of it is not just OK, ship 'em out, move 'em on, but helping people develop and build skills so they can succeed and live independently from their abuser if they choose to do that," Vaine said.
In Jane's case, an arrangement between the Advocates and the Family and Intercultural Resource Center allowed her to take classes that helped sharpen her parenting skills. Before, she disciplined her kids by yelling at them; now she's learned a better balance.
"Her parenting is just blossoming and she is taking care of her home and taking care of her kids and herself in really remarkable ways," Vaine said.
Jane pays $200 a month to live in the transitional housing unit, which enables her to save her money and work toward moving into her own apartment. She's worried about surviving financially in the future, but every day she wakes up feeling blessed.
She truly believes that if she could leave her abuser and start over with next to nothing, any woman can.
"He can't win anymore, he won for nine years, now I'm winning," Jane said.
<i>Nicole Formosa can be reached at (970) 668-3998, ext. 13625, or at nformosa@summitdaily.com.</i>
<b>Who are the advocates?</b>
Advocates for Victims of Assault operates on a $260,000 budget, and staffs three full-time employees and two part-time employees. It relies heavily on help from its 30 to 40 volunteers. Training begins Monday for a new volunteer class. If you're interested, called Sarah Vaine at (970) 389-3166.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Every Tuesday through the month of October, eat at A-Train Pizza in Frisco and 10 percent of all sales goes to Advocates.
For more information on Advocates visit www.summitadvocates.org. If you or someone you know needs help, call the Advocates' confidential crisis line at (970) 668-3906.
Advocates also offers a rental assistance plan, and aides victims in putting together a resume and finding a job.
"A big part of it is not just OK, ship 'em out, move 'em on, but helping people develop and build skills so they can succeed and live independently from their abuser if they choose to do that," Vaine said.
In Jane's case, an arrangement between the Advocates and the Family and Intercultural Resource Center allowed her to take classes that helped sharpen her parenting skills. Before, she disciplined her kids by yelling at them; now she's learned a better balance.
"Her parenting is just blossoming and she is taking care of her home and taking care of her kids and herself in really remarkable ways," Vaine said.
Jane pays $200 a month to live in the transitional housing unit, which enables her to save her money and work toward moving into her own apartment. She's worried about surviving financially in the future, but every day she wakes up feeling blessed.
She truly believes that if she could leave her abuser and start over with next to nothing, any woman can.
"He can't win anymore, he won for nine years, now I'm winning," Jane said.
<i>Nicole Formosa can be reached at (970) 668-3998, ext. 13625, or at nformosa@summitdaily.com.</i>
<b>Who are the advocates?</b>
Advocates for Victims of Assault operates on a $260,000 budget, and staffs three full-time employees and two part-time employees. It relies heavily on help from its 30 to 40 volunteers. Training begins Monday for a new volunteer class. If you're interested, called Sarah Vaine at (970) 389-3166.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Every Tuesday through the month of October, eat at A-Train Pizza in Frisco and 10 percent of all sales goes to Advocates.
For more information on Advocates visit www.summitadvocates.org. If you or someone you know needs help, call the Advocates' confidential crisis line at (970) 668-3906.
