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Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world's only daily column coming at you from the land of giant potholes. We can't tell you how excited to be writing about this subject today. Nothing gets a journalist's blood flowing like writing about the '94 Buick that disappeared at the entrance to Summit Cove last week, never to be seen again.
Bud, who manages one of the town home neighborhoods over there, actually sent us an e-mail to alert us to the monster-size chink that's missing from the road at that location. We think he wanted us to do a full-on legit news story on the pothole issue, but we are way too lazy for that, so instead we're just going to make this stuff up as we go along.
First off, we are here to tell you that bigger and better potholes are simply one more sign of global warming. That's right. All you nay-sayers and global warning deniers can scoff and tell us we're full of baloney, but we are sticking to our guns on this. Mark our words: Based on the predicted warmer and earlier springs, there is an 85 percent chance we are going to see a 26.5 percent increase in the average size of potholes in the next 20 to 30 years. Not only that, but the average number and concentration of potholes per square mile is going to increase by 33.7 percent. The Summit Cove dimple is just the first example of that.
We know this pothole well, driving past several times each day, and we can say for a fact that this sucker is bigger than it's ever been before. We are thinking this might not even be pothole. Could it be a crater from the impact of a meteorite, or perhaps even a small comet or asteroid? Hmmmm, food for thought. We may need to go see if we can pick up any traces of irridium around there.
Bud, who manages one of the town home neighborhoods over there, actually sent us an e-mail to alert us to the monster-size chink that's missing from the road at that location. We think he wanted us to do a full-on legit news story on the pothole issue, but we are way too lazy for that, so instead we're just going to make this stuff up as we go along.
First off, we are here to tell you that bigger and better potholes are simply one more sign of global warming. That's right. All you nay-sayers and global warning deniers can scoff and tell us we're full of baloney, but we are sticking to our guns on this. Mark our words: Based on the predicted warmer and earlier springs, there is an 85 percent chance we are going to see a 26.5 percent increase in the average size of potholes in the next 20 to 30 years. Not only that, but the average number and concentration of potholes per square mile is going to increase by 33.7 percent. The Summit Cove dimple is just the first example of that.
We know this pothole well, driving past several times each day, and we can say for a fact that this sucker is bigger than it's ever been before. We are thinking this might not even be pothole. Could it be a crater from the impact of a meteorite, or perhaps even a small comet or asteroid? Hmmmm, food for thought. We may need to go see if we can pick up any traces of irridium around there.
What really bugs us about this pothole, though, is that it keeps reappearing at the same spot year after year. As you turn right out of the Cove, it's located just on that corner, and as it creeps out into the roadway proper, it makes us think about engineers, and more in general, about our propensity as humans to try and put square pegs into round holes. What gives?
Everybody knows that, when you drive a car around a 90 degree corner, the car doesn't actually make a 90 degree movement. It moves in an arc, or part of a circle. At the same time, we understand that human tendency to want to shorten the path from point A to Point B, which means that people zip around that corner as close to the inside as they can.
What we can't figure out is, why, when engineers design a turn like that, can't they take into account these basic facts and create some sort of hardened, pothole resistant surface in the appropriate locations?
We can put a man on the moon, right? We can build nanotech machines the size of bacteria that can detect toxic waste, right. But we can't prevent a pothole from forming at a know pothole location? Riiiiiight! This is all about job security for the road and bridge guys. We don't really have a problem with that, either, in fact we say more power to 'em. But we do have a problem with driving through holes that are big enough to make you see double and will rattle the fillings right out of your teeth.
Everybody knows that, when you drive a car around a 90 degree corner, the car doesn't actually make a 90 degree movement. It moves in an arc, or part of a circle. At the same time, we understand that human tendency to want to shorten the path from point A to Point B, which means that people zip around that corner as close to the inside as they can.
What we can't figure out is, why, when engineers design a turn like that, can't they take into account these basic facts and create some sort of hardened, pothole resistant surface in the appropriate locations?
We can put a man on the moon, right? We can build nanotech machines the size of bacteria that can detect toxic waste, right. But we can't prevent a pothole from forming at a know pothole location? Riiiiiight! This is all about job security for the road and bridge guys. We don't really have a problem with that, either, in fact we say more power to 'em. But we do have a problem with driving through holes that are big enough to make you see double and will rattle the fillings right out of your teeth.
We would like to issue a challenge to the local road guys: If they can fix this Summit Cove monstrosity and prevent it from reappearing for the next three years, we will personally buy them a case of the finest ale that money can buy.
Feel free to share your own giant pothole stories and even send us a photo of your favorite crater to summitup@summitdaily.com. Heck, maybe we could even have a pothole constest!
***
And somewhere on this page there is a picture of the car that won an award, we think, for fastest overall at this year's Cub Scout Pack 186 Pinewood Derby. All the scouts did an amazing job of shaping and painting their racers, and most impressive of all was the level of sportsmanship displayed at the big race, with scouts cheering as much for their friends as for their own cars.
Feel free to share your own giant pothole stories and even send us a photo of your favorite crater to summitup@summitdaily.com. Heck, maybe we could even have a pothole constest!
***
And somewhere on this page there is a picture of the car that won an award, we think, for fastest overall at this year's Cub Scout Pack 186 Pinewood Derby. All the scouts did an amazing job of shaping and painting their racers, and most impressive of all was the level of sportsmanship displayed at the big race, with scouts cheering as much for their friends as for their own cars.
But we still have to brag just a little bit here, since this gold car was designed and created by a staffer's son (with just a bit of help from Dad, not to mention scout leader Glenn Montgomery, who really gets a bunch of credit for helping build this ultra-fast racer in just a few days, after said Scout and Dad sort of put off the project up until the last minute.
In any case, the Pinewood Derby was cool, and we want to give a shout out to all the parents who put some time into the great local scouting program. Sadly, scout numbers have been dropping off in the past few years, and some of the program leaders say part of the problem is a school district policy that has crimped recruitment at local schools. So check out www.summitcubs.org for info if you have elementary school-age kids that might be interested.
***
We out, counting potholes.
In any case, the Pinewood Derby was cool, and we want to give a shout out to all the parents who put some time into the great local scouting program. Sadly, scout numbers have been dropping off in the past few years, and some of the program leaders say part of the problem is a school district policy that has crimped recruitment at local schools. So check out www.summitcubs.org for info if you have elementary school-age kids that might be interested.
***
We out, counting potholes.
