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Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world's only daily column that is officially offering up its space to become the site for Summit County's first dryer-lint repository.
We are tired of dryer lint flying everywhere, gumming up our computer keyboard, making us sneeze and filling our vacuum cleaner bag. We're tired of dryer lint that coats the laundry room and gets sucked into the furnace (same room), requiring us to change the furnace filter more often than we'd like, especially considering that the furnace door was installed upside-down, making it incredibly challenging to perform what should be a routine five-minute job. Down with dryer lint! Up with clotheslines!
We say it's time to clean up this environmental mess and we would like invite everyone to send us their dryer lint post-haste. But before you do, please make sure that you send only dryer lint. We are not interested in your yucky bellybutton lint. We have enough of that ourselves, thank you very much. We plan to take the "clean" dryer lint and mix it with the more, uhh, organic bellybutton lint and mix them together so as to achieve a neutral pH, and then cap the whole mess with organic fingernail clippings and beard trimmings, thus reducing the risk that of any of the toxic constituents of the lint might mobilize and contaminate local streams or wetlands. We'll take it all, green lint, blue lint, gray lint - we don't care - maybe we'll even manage to gather up the world's biggest lint collection and get into the Guinness Book of World Records!
So where does this stuff come from? At the rate the lint accumulates in our world, it seems our socks and T-shirts should be worn down to threadbare nothingness after just a few washings and dryings. Is there such a thing as lint-free fabric? What types of materials shed the most lint? Can it be composted? Anyone out there who understands the physics of lint production and accumulation, or if you have any great ideas about alternative uses for lint (other than fire starter), please write to us at summitup@summitdaily.com.
Or even if you would just like to compose a haiku about lint, that would be fine, too. In fact, send us a haiku about anything, maybe the last day of the ski season at Copper or Keystone. We love to get your emails, but try to put a little pizazz into it. Just cutting and pasting jokes of the internet doesn't really do it for us, unless it's a REALLY good one.
***
Moving swiftly on to bigger and better things, we want to send out some totally random birthday wishes today. For one, here's a hearty "Nasdrovye" to Nikita Khrushchev, former premier of the Soviet Union back in its glory days, as it were. For those of you who don't remember, he was the guy who took off his shoe and banged it on the table at the United Nations during a speech, which is probably one of the most exciting moments ever for that august, but somewhat low-key forum. We're not a big Khrushchev fan, considering that he perpetuated the totalitarian system in his country and tried to goose the U.S. by stationing missiles in Cuba, but there's no denying he was a colorful figure. We also see here that April 17 marks the birthday of Liz Phair, one of our favorite recording artists, just because she is so darn gritty and in your face. Happy birthday, Liz, and give us a call if you happen to read this. We're hot, hot, hot for you! We also see that it's the birthday of one Vincent Wigglesworth, an entomologist born in 1899, but we have no further info. We just thought his name was cool, but if anyone knows what his claim to fame might be, by all means, let us know. And finally congrats to Nadine Thomas, Miss Jamaica and Miss Universe of 1997, and to Maurits, prince of the Netherlands, who also both share an April 17 birthday. Sounds like a potential couple. And that makes us wonder, what's it like to be a prince these days? We all know about the trials and tribulations of Prince Charles, but what about those lesser princes? Do they still ride around in gilt carriages? Do they wear cool, swashbuckling uniforms with giant red sashes? Do they have food tasters checking to make sure the quail soup hasn't been poisoned?
***
Apparently, we have some schmucks out there on the road, which probably doesn't qualify as a news flash, but certainly puts us in the mood for a Scum Alert!! According to our highly trained traffic spotters out there, this one goes out to an "inconsiderate swine" in a maroon Chevy Impala who illegally passed several cars on the right (Gasp!!) a the intersection of Highway 9 and County Road 1004 sometime Sunday afternoon. That unauthorized activity not only shocked our source, but actually sent a few zingers cracking against the windshield (double-gasp!!). We hate it when that happens. And if we see a maroon Impala stranded along the road, we know that we're gonna feel pretty self-righteous when we just zip on by. That's the karmic wheel, baby!
***
We out, avoiding the gulag.
We are tired of dryer lint flying everywhere, gumming up our computer keyboard, making us sneeze and filling our vacuum cleaner bag. We're tired of dryer lint that coats the laundry room and gets sucked into the furnace (same room), requiring us to change the furnace filter more often than we'd like, especially considering that the furnace door was installed upside-down, making it incredibly challenging to perform what should be a routine five-minute job. Down with dryer lint! Up with clotheslines!
We say it's time to clean up this environmental mess and we would like invite everyone to send us their dryer lint post-haste. But before you do, please make sure that you send only dryer lint. We are not interested in your yucky bellybutton lint. We have enough of that ourselves, thank you very much. We plan to take the "clean" dryer lint and mix it with the more, uhh, organic bellybutton lint and mix them together so as to achieve a neutral pH, and then cap the whole mess with organic fingernail clippings and beard trimmings, thus reducing the risk that of any of the toxic constituents of the lint might mobilize and contaminate local streams or wetlands. We'll take it all, green lint, blue lint, gray lint - we don't care - maybe we'll even manage to gather up the world's biggest lint collection and get into the Guinness Book of World Records!
So where does this stuff come from? At the rate the lint accumulates in our world, it seems our socks and T-shirts should be worn down to threadbare nothingness after just a few washings and dryings. Is there such a thing as lint-free fabric? What types of materials shed the most lint? Can it be composted? Anyone out there who understands the physics of lint production and accumulation, or if you have any great ideas about alternative uses for lint (other than fire starter), please write to us at summitup@summitdaily.com.
Or even if you would just like to compose a haiku about lint, that would be fine, too. In fact, send us a haiku about anything, maybe the last day of the ski season at Copper or Keystone. We love to get your emails, but try to put a little pizazz into it. Just cutting and pasting jokes of the internet doesn't really do it for us, unless it's a REALLY good one.
***
Moving swiftly on to bigger and better things, we want to send out some totally random birthday wishes today. For one, here's a hearty "Nasdrovye" to Nikita Khrushchev, former premier of the Soviet Union back in its glory days, as it were. For those of you who don't remember, he was the guy who took off his shoe and banged it on the table at the United Nations during a speech, which is probably one of the most exciting moments ever for that august, but somewhat low-key forum. We're not a big Khrushchev fan, considering that he perpetuated the totalitarian system in his country and tried to goose the U.S. by stationing missiles in Cuba, but there's no denying he was a colorful figure. We also see here that April 17 marks the birthday of Liz Phair, one of our favorite recording artists, just because she is so darn gritty and in your face. Happy birthday, Liz, and give us a call if you happen to read this. We're hot, hot, hot for you! We also see that it's the birthday of one Vincent Wigglesworth, an entomologist born in 1899, but we have no further info. We just thought his name was cool, but if anyone knows what his claim to fame might be, by all means, let us know. And finally congrats to Nadine Thomas, Miss Jamaica and Miss Universe of 1997, and to Maurits, prince of the Netherlands, who also both share an April 17 birthday. Sounds like a potential couple. And that makes us wonder, what's it like to be a prince these days? We all know about the trials and tribulations of Prince Charles, but what about those lesser princes? Do they still ride around in gilt carriages? Do they wear cool, swashbuckling uniforms with giant red sashes? Do they have food tasters checking to make sure the quail soup hasn't been poisoned?
***
Apparently, we have some schmucks out there on the road, which probably doesn't qualify as a news flash, but certainly puts us in the mood for a Scum Alert!! According to our highly trained traffic spotters out there, this one goes out to an "inconsiderate swine" in a maroon Chevy Impala who illegally passed several cars on the right (Gasp!!) a the intersection of Highway 9 and County Road 1004 sometime Sunday afternoon. That unauthorized activity not only shocked our source, but actually sent a few zingers cracking against the windshield (double-gasp!!). We hate it when that happens. And if we see a maroon Impala stranded along the road, we know that we're gonna feel pretty self-righteous when we just zip on by. That's the karmic wheel, baby!
***
We out, avoiding the gulag.
