Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world's only daily column that wants to warn readers about one of the least understood, underrated and most pervasive public health threats on the planet.

No, we're not talking about the swine flu or some other nasty pandemic that's about to sweep the globe. We'll leave that to the World Health Organization. The danger of which we speak is far more insidious and lies much closer to home.

We're talking about a certain brand of crackers, which shall remain nameless, since we don't want the Nabsico lawyers breathing down our necks. But suffice it to say, these crackers are seemingly made from some sort of semi-edible woven fiber that reminds us of dried cardboard. When you get down to the bottom of the wax paper bag in the box, the crumbs are basically like sawdust.

These fibrous and seemingly harmless little crackers are so full of lusty goodness and crunchiness, yet soooo very dangerous. Take it from us - these things are potential killers. Several times now in recent months, one of our staffers has nearly choked to death while enjoying one of these treats.

Millions of Summit Up Readers: "But we eat all sorts of crackers all the time, and we've NEVER had that problem!"

Yes, but have you tried eating them while lecturing about how global warming is threatening the biodiversity of Mesa Verde National Park?

MSUR: "Uhh, nope. We usually eat first and talk later. And by the way, we enjoy our crackers most when covered with a nice gooey layer of Velveeta. That helps with the whole dryness issue. And don't start telling us about clogged arteries. We don't wanna hear it. We LIKE our spreadable cheese!"

Hmmm, Velveeta, eh? We'll have to try that next time we dig into a box of crackers. Sounds like it might help. Although we're thinking we're going to stay away from these crackers altogether. Just thinking about them makes us choke and gag. And what's the deal with these things anyway? They're really just shredded wheat in disguise, doused with some sort of addictive fake butter flavor and sprinkled with a bit of salt. They oughta be required to put warning labels on every box of those things. As far as we can tell, they're more dangerous than cigarettes.

MSUR: "But have you tried the rye flavor?"

Wow, they come in different flavors? Who knew!

Anyway, our staffer was fortunate that, during one recent choking episode, he was in the company of a medical expert who was able to deal with the problem at hand. We're happy to report that it didn't go quite as far as the Heimlich maneuver, which is a good thing because of the whole cracked-ribs scenario. All it took was a good joke, which made our staffer laugh, clearing the windpipe of all those errant cracker crumbs.

MSUR: "Maybe you should just always have a can of Guinness with you, so as to be able to soak the little devils before devouring them. And Guinness, by the way, goes especially well with Velveeta."

Thanks! Now that's what we call some useful advice. Still, we were glad we were hanging out with our friend when this happened, because it helped us realize how much this person cares for us.

There are other clues, too. For example, have you ever heard of a uni-brow? We never had. But we've come to understand that a uni-brow is a personal grooming faux pas that is aesthetically unacceptable in some social circles. And while our companion is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a fashionista, we are now well on our way to having perfectly shaped eyebrows, thanks to several lengthy grooming sessions that we enjoy mainly because it feels oh-so-good when they end. Plus we just enjoy the closeness that comes with the plucking. It's kind of a bonding thing, we reckon.

And if that ain't love, what is?

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We out, looking for tweezers!