Meredith C. Carroll: The time is right to run for president

Click to Enlarge Browse and Buy Summit Daily Photos Meredith C. Carroll Get Columnists Feeds

BY MEREDITH C. CARROLL
Meredith Pro Tem
January 17, 2008

Comments
Print Email

Much to the surprise of the voters and pundits who thought the slate of candidates was a fait accompli, it was recently revealed that Michael Bloomberg is still considering jumping into the race to become the 44th president of the United States.

According to information obtained by The Associated Press, during the past few months the billionaire mayor of New York has quietly been polling and conducting a voter analysis across the country. He plans to use the data to decide whether to launch an independent presidential bid.

Which has got me thinking. If it’s not too late for Bloomberg to throw his hat into the ring, then it’s not too late for me. I’m turning 35 in a few months, which is the minimum age requirement for the Leader of the Free World job. I’ve never really imagined holding political office, but I’m not really taken with any of the candidates, so maybe it’s my destiny to mount my own campaign.

I might not have access to the same sort of sophisticated canvassing methods as Bloomberg. But I have my family, and they know pretty much everything (just ask them). And not one of them has ever failed to soft-pedal any piece of information delivered to me (unless you count my husband answering the “Do I look fat?” question). I trust they’ll be honest about my Oval Office chances (including the slight potential for an impeachment hearing if it ever comes to light that I got caught cheating on my social studies homework in eighth grade, although in all fairness, a friend copied my homework, not the other way around).

Consulting my family would be a necessity anyway, because if I’m elected it’ll be life-changing for all of us. What, with the constant assassination threats and the Secret Service agents having to taste the food at our Passover Seders (just what my mom needs — one more person commenting on the texture of her matzo balls). I’m not sure my husband will be thrilled at the prospect of being whatever it is they’ll call the male first lady, but I have a feeling that the combination of having Air Force One at his disposal and being able to watch first-run movies in his flannel pajamas with unlimited popcorn service in the private presidential screening room just might win over any hint of a fragile ego. Everyone will have to put on a brave face.

The thing is that the American people have made it abundantly clear they’re looking for a leader with experience. And it just happens to be a little-known fact that I’ve actually run for president before. I was a candidate during the 1984 presidential election, running for president of the sixth-grade classes from my school and another one in the district. My friend Moira was my running mate, so we ran on an M&M platform.

Although we breezed through the primaries and polled well in the weeks leading up to Election Day, I lost my place in my note cards while giving a speech during the final debate and stuttered for most of my two-minute closing statement. As a result, M&M came in third out of four teams. I’m not saying the election was rigged, but 24 years later I can say the winning team was full of it by promising hot dogs for lunch every Friday. (Hot dogs are always served on Wednesdays. Friday is Pizza Day.)

At least I have other qualifications. It took some time, but my sister and I finally negotiated a settlement after years of war and strife. (But that won’t really matter anyway, since apparently President Bush will be creating peace in the Middle East before he leaves office.)

When I reconcile my credit card statements in Quicken, I never rest until every penny is accounted for. Bring on the federal budget.

And I don’t want to brag, but I do share some of the same traits that have made Mayor Bloomberg so likable in New York. Or, at least one. He rides the subway to work everyday and when I lived in New York, I did, too (never mind that he does it to make a statement that he’s a regular guy, and I did it because my bank statement was always irregular and subways are significantly cheaper than cabs).

Voters proved tears easily sway them, and I can trigger a sob storm like I’m watching Debra Winger’s death scene in “Terms of Endearment.” If it’s change you’re looking for, I can stop crying on a dime.

And, I’m flexible. If my team of advisors doesn’t think I have a shot at the top job, I would be willing to consider being Bloomberg’s vice president. Just as long as I get use of his motorcade while he’s on the subway.

Aspen resident Meredith C. Carroll writes a Friday column. E-mail questions or comments to meredithccarroll@hotmail.com.