Inmates caught brewing liquor in jail

SUMMIT COUNTY — While cleaning out the cells in the Summit County Jail, guards found an unfamiliar plastic bag on top of one of the inmate’s bunks and opened it to find a medley of rotting fruit and bread.

Given that it is unlikely that an inmate would be experimenting with composting, guards determined that the concoction was “hooch,” a liquor made from fermented fruit.

The inmates from the cell were called in for questioning, and both vehemently denied knowing anything about the bag, even though it was found sitting right in the middle of the cell they lived in.

In addition to the bag of fruit, guards found an empty container of foot powder with more fruit and an empty Ramen noodles cup with holes in the bottom to strain the liquid.

The questioning went round and round before guards ran a comissionary search to see which inmate had purchased foot powder.

Only one inmate had purchased foot powder in the past several months and, low and behold, it was the inmate from the cell in which the hooch was found.

With the evidence stacked against him, the inmate had no other option but to confess to the makeshift operation.

The man was charged with introduction of contraband into a detention facility, a felony.

Looks like the inmates at the jail will have to stick to lemonade, because the brewery is now officially closed.

Drunk man ties up 911 lines

A local 911 operator had her hands full when a drunken man continued to call the main emergency line requesting to speak with a police officer.

An intense game of phone-tag ensued after the man was put on hold by the operator, who told him he would have to wait if he wasn’t reporting an actual emergency.

Every time the man was put on hold, he would hang up and call back again, creating quite the headache for the operator on the other end of the line.

Police were dispatched to the man’s address to arrest him for false reporting and found him intoxicated and acting hysterical.

Due to his high level of intoxication, the man was transported to St. Anthony Summit Medical Center, and while en route he began yelling that his handcuffs were too tight.

When doctors attempted to examine the man, he became loud and disorderly, refusing to answer any questions asked by medical personnel.

Apparently false reporting came naturally to the man, and during his time in the hospital, he jumped out of bed and ran to the back of the room to press the emergency page button, which alerted all the nurses on duty.

After being medically cleared, the man was transported to the Summit County Jail where he was formally charged with false reporting.

Not drunk, just clumsy

Officers thought they were dealing with a drunk driver when they pulled over a speeding vehicle and the driver could barely stand.

The man stumbled out into the roadway when he was asked to exit the vehicle, and when he failed to complete voluntary roadside maneuvers, he was taken into custody.

When he arrived at the jail police administered a breathalyzer test which revealed a 0.000 blood-alcohol level.

Perplexed, officers asked the man why he was stumbling to which he replied that he had poor balance.

When asked why he didn’t mention that fact earlier he stated: “I probably should have.”