Site search
sponsored by
News
ENLARGE
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that doesn’t need a little chicken to tell us the sky is falling.
Our threshold for paranoia just got a bit lower, thanks to the National Aeronautic and Space Administration.
A tool bag that some clumsy astronaut lost from the International Space Station this week has joined some 17,000 objects — or 4 million pounds — orbiting above our heads, homes, pets and motor vehicles.
Like meteors and ultraviolet rays, orbital debris is one of those dangers that could kill anyone over a long enough timeline.
And it’s no rare occurrence. Over the past 40 years, an average of one “cataloged piece of debris fell back to Earth each day,” according to NASA.
Some of it burns up on re-entry. Most of the other stuff lands in oceans — but not all of it.
Parts of the Russian Skylab crashed into Australia in 1979.
Today the Skylab continues to glow through a weightlessness-inducing tribute cocktail containing vodka, rum, peach liqueur, blue Curaçao, pineapple and orange juice, and Sprite.
It’s the closest we’ve ever come to blast-off, and it’s a good excuse to reflect on last year’s spacey news story following the alleged diapered astronaut assault and love triangle: Rumors abounded that space people were getting tanked before lift-off.
An inside source tells us NASA’s astronauts don’t drink in space, but the Russians have made it a standing — or floating — tradition. We wonder how many tool bags and other heavy objects the Russians, and especially the Soviets, have lost.
We also wonder what sort of impact commercial space companies like Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic will have on space debris. There’s no telling what sort of stuff people would bring out once they start allowing spacewalks.
Earthlings could one day be getting pummeled with lost camcorders, golf clubs and tennis racquets.
But these things will likely burn up in the atmosphere. The real trouble will come when amateurs start buying up old jalopies like the soon-to-be retired space shuttles.
They’ll cart up everything from their grandfather clock to the kitchen sink, just to watch it smash at into the Earth at inconceivable speeds.
What a nightmare.
***
(High-pitched siren screaming) We interrupt this transmission to bring you an urgent announcement:
A yellow Labrador retriever named Spree is missing. The dog was last seen in Blue River, and a reward of $200 is being offered for his return. He’s 8 years old and weighs about 100 pounds. Please contact (970) 333-0961 or (970) 453-0129 if you’ve seen this lost pet.
***
Now back to our tirade against orbital space litter:
These flying objects also carry toxic fumes and rocket fuel, which are apparently dangerous. It’s why Pentagon officials say they shot down a satellite early this year, according to USA Today.
With countries like China, Japan and India building up their space programs, there will be more debris each year.
This could become more troubling than climate change. How does one brace oneself against a rocketship door falling from an orbit of 10 kilometers per second?
That’s 22,369 mph.
And some of this stuff is gigantic. Chunks weighing up to two tons fall uncontrolled every three weeks or so, according to USA Today.
Though nobody’s ever been reported hurt by fallen orbital debris, chances of a satellite smashing a person are as high as 1 in 10,000.
But enough fear mongering.
Not all orbital debris is bad.
We hope for some multi-million dollar precious treasure — maybe a gold-plated satellite panel or inter-galactic telescope — to appear on our lawn before the holidays. We’re pinching every penny we can grab in this crummy economy, and our friends and loved ones deserve more than greeting cards.
Alas, most of the stuff that falls out of space is unwanted garbage.
***
It’s Thursday, and we’ve got our eyes to the skies, hoping for a cold, white powdery substance to blanket our peaks.
Our threshold for paranoia just got a bit lower, thanks to the National Aeronautic and Space Administration.
A tool bag that some clumsy astronaut lost from the International Space Station this week has joined some 17,000 objects — or 4 million pounds — orbiting above our heads, homes, pets and motor vehicles.
Like meteors and ultraviolet rays, orbital debris is one of those dangers that could kill anyone over a long enough timeline.
And it’s no rare occurrence. Over the past 40 years, an average of one “cataloged piece of debris fell back to Earth each day,” according to NASA.
Some of it burns up on re-entry. Most of the other stuff lands in oceans — but not all of it.
Parts of the Russian Skylab crashed into Australia in 1979.
Today the Skylab continues to glow through a weightlessness-inducing tribute cocktail containing vodka, rum, peach liqueur, blue Curaçao, pineapple and orange juice, and Sprite.
It’s the closest we’ve ever come to blast-off, and it’s a good excuse to reflect on last year’s spacey news story following the alleged diapered astronaut assault and love triangle: Rumors abounded that space people were getting tanked before lift-off.
An inside source tells us NASA’s astronauts don’t drink in space, but the Russians have made it a standing — or floating — tradition. We wonder how many tool bags and other heavy objects the Russians, and especially the Soviets, have lost.
We also wonder what sort of impact commercial space companies like Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic will have on space debris. There’s no telling what sort of stuff people would bring out once they start allowing spacewalks.
Earthlings could one day be getting pummeled with lost camcorders, golf clubs and tennis racquets.
But these things will likely burn up in the atmosphere. The real trouble will come when amateurs start buying up old jalopies like the soon-to-be retired space shuttles.
They’ll cart up everything from their grandfather clock to the kitchen sink, just to watch it smash at into the Earth at inconceivable speeds.
What a nightmare.
***
(High-pitched siren screaming) We interrupt this transmission to bring you an urgent announcement:
A yellow Labrador retriever named Spree is missing. The dog was last seen in Blue River, and a reward of $200 is being offered for his return. He’s 8 years old and weighs about 100 pounds. Please contact (970) 333-0961 or (970) 453-0129 if you’ve seen this lost pet.
***
Now back to our tirade against orbital space litter:
These flying objects also carry toxic fumes and rocket fuel, which are apparently dangerous. It’s why Pentagon officials say they shot down a satellite early this year, according to USA Today.
With countries like China, Japan and India building up their space programs, there will be more debris each year.
This could become more troubling than climate change. How does one brace oneself against a rocketship door falling from an orbit of 10 kilometers per second?
That’s 22,369 mph.
And some of this stuff is gigantic. Chunks weighing up to two tons fall uncontrolled every three weeks or so, according to USA Today.
Though nobody’s ever been reported hurt by fallen orbital debris, chances of a satellite smashing a person are as high as 1 in 10,000.
But enough fear mongering.
Not all orbital debris is bad.
We hope for some multi-million dollar precious treasure — maybe a gold-plated satellite panel or inter-galactic telescope — to appear on our lawn before the holidays. We’re pinching every penny we can grab in this crummy economy, and our friends and loved ones deserve more than greeting cards.
Alas, most of the stuff that falls out of space is unwanted garbage.
***
It’s Thursday, and we’ve got our eyes to the skies, hoping for a cold, white powdery substance to blanket our peaks.
