Summit Up

Good morning, and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s going on a diet.

We’ve tried it all: Atkins, The Zone, Slim Fast, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, Beverly Hills, South Beach, juice fasts, macrobiotics, cleanses. We once ate nothing but cabbage soup for a month, with the malodorous result prompting even our dog to leave the room every time we entered.

We bought an Ab Roller, a rubber suit, a machine that jiggles your middle and an old-fashioned corset.

Yet still we look like Morgan Spurlock at the end of “Supersize Me,” when he had eaten nothing but McDonald’s, three meals a day, for a month.

With the new year, we’re now thinking of doing something drastic, like eliminating soft drinks, cookies, potato chips, candy, Freedom Fries, refried beans, cakes, sour cream, fried Twinkies, pasta, Funyuns, buttered popcorn, buttered bread, butter-brickle ice cream, buttered rum and buttered butter — but that’s pretty much our entire diet.

One thing we know for sure: We’re going to stay away from AbGONE and Skineez jeans.

Those were among the most dubious diets tagged by the Healthy Weight Network in its 20th Annual Slim Chance Awards of the worst diets of 2008.

AbGONE, according to the network’s public-service announcement that we received here at World HQ, is a pill that claims to increase fat metabolism and inhibits abdominal fat deposits — no diet and exercise needed! But the fine print notes that “diet and exercise are essential.”

The $139 jeans, meanwhile, supposedly are impregnated with retinol and chitosan, a shellfish product once claimed to cut fat absorption in the stomach. Friction between the jeans and skin supposedly triggers release of the substance. It makes us wonder: Would the jeans work better if we went commando?

Of course, nothing rivals the Kimkins diet, dubbed the worst diet product of 2008 by the organization. Heidi “Kimmer” Diaz claimed adherents could lose up to 5 percent of their body weight in 10 days and that it is “better than gastric-bypass surgery.” But the network suggests the method is essentially a starvation diet down to 500 calories a day and lacking in many nutrients, even substituting laxatives to replace missing fiber.

Hmm. We’re thinking that maybe this year we just need to embrace the fact that there’s more of us to love.

It’s Wednesday, and we’re munching on a celery stick.