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ENLARGE
Beware the Okapi. It's not as innocent as it looks!
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ENLARGE
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An alert reader in Breckenridge snapped this photo of a fox hanging out in one of the town's historic buildings recently. We're not sure how this fits in with the town's strict preservation codes, but heck, the foxes were here first! Go fox! Stick to The Man!
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Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world's only daily column that is all about all thing 7-Eleven today! That's right, since it's July 11, we figured we should give a shout out to the Slurpee, the nacho cheese pump, the carton of Winstons and the box of powdered mini doughnuts. While we're at it, we pay homage to tiny packages of laundry soap needed at midnight for whatever reason, that pack of condoms needed at midnight for obvious reasons, and those funny wannabe Starbucks-like coffee drinks that sometimes are just what you need to go with the Winstons, doughnuts and amorous encounter.
So, do you think 7-Eleven has anything special planned for its special day? Let's check the website at www.7-eleven.com:
Well, doesn't look like it, although we did learn that we can collect all four GI Joe “The Rise of Cobra” (which is apparently a film coming out soon) Slurpee cups and that we should get a mocha or French vanilla iced coffee. We also learned that there is a special Slurpee website (www.slurpee.com), which has (hold on ...) Hmmm ... something about “liquid artillery,” which is also related to the GI Joe Slurpee but sounds kinda scary to us. And STOP THE PRESSES!!! There is something special for 7-Eleven Day: Today you can get a free Slurpee at the store! But we're not sure what the catches are, so you'll have to ask the folks at our local 7-Eleven in Frisco, Breck or Silverthorne. There's also stuff about “participating stores only” and we are far too lazy to call four different places, so you're on your own there.
Get thee a Slurpee!
***
OK, we have a heap of alerts here, sent in by Susan in Breck. Here goes:
Scum Alerts !! Some mountain biking bummers:
1. The Pabst Blue Ribbon can every 100 yards and all the other trash up the Swan Road
2. The teenage punks driving their urbanized 4WD who thought it was so funny to speed up and try to dust and swerve toward bike riders. BIG SCUM — especially since one of our riders was pulling a Chariot with a toddler inside! (Perhaps they thought she was actually pulling a cooler full of PBRs?)
3. The upside . ..seems one of the polluters also dropped a 20-spot ... bought us a nice lunch at My Thai! It pays to pick up others' trash!
Angel Alerts
1. To all the locals I've seen out in this amazing weather taking pictures of visitors, for visitors. One TOB employee was pulling the ATV into the garage behind the Main Street Mall when a visitor asked if he could take a picture of the flamingo strapped to the back of the vehicle. The TOB employee, with a smile, pulled the ATV out of the garage again so the flamingo could pose for the shot!
2. My partner had a beautiful ride last Sunday. She made it in the car before the skies opened up. While driving home, she saw “someone's Mom” pedaling back to Breckenridge on the bike path in the torrential downpour. She stopped and picked her up and brought her into Breck.
3. To the drivers on Boreas Pass, Tiger Road, and French Creek who slow down when passing cyclists and walkers!
4. To Summit Up — keep on keeping things light. You make me smile!
Wow, thanks Susan. We appreciate the shout out and all the observations!
***
So we got this press release from the Denver Zoo t'other day telling us about an unusual beast named an Okapi. It seems a momma Okapi had a baby Okapi, and you can see from the pix here that it's both very cute and very weird looking. We have no idea what an Okapi is; have never heard of it before, in fact. So that gives us free rein to totally make up some crap about this critter.
• For instance, did you know that the Okapi is the fastest land mammal in the world? They used to think it was the cheetah, but then they had this race and the Okapi totally kicked the cheetah's ass. A full-grown Okapi can actually run at almost 200 mph — as fast as a nitro-burning funny car. In fact, that's what “Okapi” means in Zulu: “Nitro-burning funny car.” Weird, huh?
• Another curious thing about the Okapi is its haunting bark, which can actually cause other animals to spontaneously micturate (that's fancy for “pee”), and that gives the Okapi an edge when it's being made fun of at the watering hole.
• Baby Okapis hatch from eggs — the only other mammal other than the platypus to do so.
• The Okapi, when cooked, tastes like Velveeta. It goes nicely over noodles and contains no trans fat.
• Okapis are both smart and evil. Several Sub-Saharan African nations are actually controlled by Okapi, although their puppet human rulers like to pretend they're in charge. Shrewd political strategists and savvy military planners, Okapi have been linked with world-domination groups such as the Bilderbergers, the Freemasons, the Illuminati and the Osmond Family.
• Okapi saliva is both highly acidic and poisonous. One lick from this innocuous-looking critter can take off an arm or reduce your face to skull.
• Perhaps nothing in the natural world is as bizarre as the Okapi mating ritual. The female actually takes the lead, and she will first convince the male Okapi to clean the bathroom — including the toilet. He must then prepare a four-course meal and do the Okapi laundry (which is light; they only have feedbags they wear). If he is able to complete these tasks to her satisfaction, she will then expose him to various media to gauge his reactions. This includes viewings of films such as “Sleepless in Seattle,” “Serendipity” and “You've Got Mail” as well as parts of “So You Think You Can Dance” and “Grey's Anatomy” on TV and bits of music like Abba, Yanni, Kenny G and Josh Bolton. If the male Okapi can endure all this without flinching, retching or fleeing, he is then presented with the next phase: trip to the mall and visit from the potential mother-in-law.
Six months later, after the medical exam, financial overview and BMI assessment, the male Okapi may be allowed to make the female a mixed tape. Actual dating will not occur for several more months.
(read the additional 7,452 pages about Okapi mating rituals at www.okapilove.com).
For more, real information about the Okapi, check out www.denverzoo.org.
***
OK, guess we'd really better go now. Enjoy your Saturday, Summit County. We'd bet an Okapi foot race it's gonna be a great one!
So, do you think 7-Eleven has anything special planned for its special day? Let's check the website at www.7-eleven.com:
Well, doesn't look like it, although we did learn that we can collect all four GI Joe “The Rise of Cobra” (which is apparently a film coming out soon) Slurpee cups and that we should get a mocha or French vanilla iced coffee. We also learned that there is a special Slurpee website (www.slurpee.com), which has (hold on ...) Hmmm ... something about “liquid artillery,” which is also related to the GI Joe Slurpee but sounds kinda scary to us. And STOP THE PRESSES!!! There is something special for 7-Eleven Day: Today you can get a free Slurpee at the store! But we're not sure what the catches are, so you'll have to ask the folks at our local 7-Eleven in Frisco, Breck or Silverthorne. There's also stuff about “participating stores only” and we are far too lazy to call four different places, so you're on your own there.
Get thee a Slurpee!
***
OK, we have a heap of alerts here, sent in by Susan in Breck. Here goes:
Scum Alerts !! Some mountain biking bummers:
1. The Pabst Blue Ribbon can every 100 yards and all the other trash up the Swan Road
2. The teenage punks driving their urbanized 4WD who thought it was so funny to speed up and try to dust and swerve toward bike riders. BIG SCUM — especially since one of our riders was pulling a Chariot with a toddler inside! (Perhaps they thought she was actually pulling a cooler full of PBRs?)
3. The upside . ..seems one of the polluters also dropped a 20-spot ... bought us a nice lunch at My Thai! It pays to pick up others' trash!
Angel Alerts
1. To all the locals I've seen out in this amazing weather taking pictures of visitors, for visitors. One TOB employee was pulling the ATV into the garage behind the Main Street Mall when a visitor asked if he could take a picture of the flamingo strapped to the back of the vehicle. The TOB employee, with a smile, pulled the ATV out of the garage again so the flamingo could pose for the shot!
2. My partner had a beautiful ride last Sunday. She made it in the car before the skies opened up. While driving home, she saw “someone's Mom” pedaling back to Breckenridge on the bike path in the torrential downpour. She stopped and picked her up and brought her into Breck.
3. To the drivers on Boreas Pass, Tiger Road, and French Creek who slow down when passing cyclists and walkers!
4. To Summit Up — keep on keeping things light. You make me smile!
Wow, thanks Susan. We appreciate the shout out and all the observations!
***
So we got this press release from the Denver Zoo t'other day telling us about an unusual beast named an Okapi. It seems a momma Okapi had a baby Okapi, and you can see from the pix here that it's both very cute and very weird looking. We have no idea what an Okapi is; have never heard of it before, in fact. So that gives us free rein to totally make up some crap about this critter.
• For instance, did you know that the Okapi is the fastest land mammal in the world? They used to think it was the cheetah, but then they had this race and the Okapi totally kicked the cheetah's ass. A full-grown Okapi can actually run at almost 200 mph — as fast as a nitro-burning funny car. In fact, that's what “Okapi” means in Zulu: “Nitro-burning funny car.” Weird, huh?
• Another curious thing about the Okapi is its haunting bark, which can actually cause other animals to spontaneously micturate (that's fancy for “pee”), and that gives the Okapi an edge when it's being made fun of at the watering hole.
• Baby Okapis hatch from eggs — the only other mammal other than the platypus to do so.
• The Okapi, when cooked, tastes like Velveeta. It goes nicely over noodles and contains no trans fat.
• Okapis are both smart and evil. Several Sub-Saharan African nations are actually controlled by Okapi, although their puppet human rulers like to pretend they're in charge. Shrewd political strategists and savvy military planners, Okapi have been linked with world-domination groups such as the Bilderbergers, the Freemasons, the Illuminati and the Osmond Family.
• Okapi saliva is both highly acidic and poisonous. One lick from this innocuous-looking critter can take off an arm or reduce your face to skull.
• Perhaps nothing in the natural world is as bizarre as the Okapi mating ritual. The female actually takes the lead, and she will first convince the male Okapi to clean the bathroom — including the toilet. He must then prepare a four-course meal and do the Okapi laundry (which is light; they only have feedbags they wear). If he is able to complete these tasks to her satisfaction, she will then expose him to various media to gauge his reactions. This includes viewings of films such as “Sleepless in Seattle,” “Serendipity” and “You've Got Mail” as well as parts of “So You Think You Can Dance” and “Grey's Anatomy” on TV and bits of music like Abba, Yanni, Kenny G and Josh Bolton. If the male Okapi can endure all this without flinching, retching or fleeing, he is then presented with the next phase: trip to the mall and visit from the potential mother-in-law.
Six months later, after the medical exam, financial overview and BMI assessment, the male Okapi may be allowed to make the female a mixed tape. Actual dating will not occur for several more months.
(read the additional 7,452 pages about Okapi mating rituals at www.okapilove.com).
For more, real information about the Okapi, check out www.denverzoo.org.
***
OK, guess we'd really better go now. Enjoy your Saturday, Summit County. We'd bet an Okapi foot race it's gonna be a great one!
