News
ENLARGE
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world's only daily column offering long-term solutions to the Dillon Dam quandary.
It's been roughly a year and a half since they started shutting the damn thing down every night.
And driving up the Silverthorne hill no doubt puts a few extra bursts of carbon into the atmosphere.
Driving down it in a snowstorm is about as easy on the nerves as playing Operation in the dark.
So we don't like driving on that unpleasant stretch of Interstate 70 any more than we have to, particularly between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.
Our public officials, along with the saintly individuals running Denver Water, have been working on a long-term solution for the Dillon Dam Road that would allow for travel as well as protection against bloodthirsty nihilists and fundamentalist terrorists.
But they haven't given us much to go on. Today the security consists of security guards in white sport-utility vehicles with no authority to pull people over.
There are a couple of barriers that pop up when something heavy — like a Ryder truck loaded to the hilt with chemical explosives — tries to access the dam segment.
We applaud the barriers, but we're still not really sure why we have to get eyeballed by a rent-a-cop for using the road.
Here are some longterm dam solutions we've arrived upon after hours of contemplation:
— Monorail: Everyone's been talking about one from Denver to here, so why not install an initial leg from Breckenridge to Arapahoe Basin, with stops along the way, in place of Dillon Dam Road?
It would cut down on carbon and reduce the number of accidents. Plus tourists love monorails, just ask the folks at Disneyland.
There's plenty of vacant forest land along the path, and we could use eminent domain to take care of the rest. Brilliant!
— Frisco Ferry: Motorists can load their vehicles on a sea-worthy carrier that takes them from the Frisco Marina to Dillon Marina in less than 30 minutes. We foresee many opportunities to make a couple extra bucks off the captive travelers.
— Swan Mountain Freeway: Widen the road between Summit Cove and Farmer's Korner to accommodate four lanes of traffic at a higher rate of speed. This would help foster growth in both the communities as well.
— Dillon Suspension Bridge: The primary dam threat is that an explosive device set off on the road could cause overtopping. Circumvent the problem with a bridge near the dam. We could reinforce the existing dam and offer another eye-catching reason to visit Summit County.
— Move the reservoir: A fat wad of stimulus cash could effectively move 83 billion gallons of water someplace less troublesome, say, Heeney, perhaps. We could unearth (unwater?) and repopulate the old ghost town under Dillon Reservoir and wash our hands of the whole security mess.
— Beef up Denver Water security: This is the age of Blackwater and terrorism. Let's bring in the heavies. We're thinking retired Navy SEALs with heat-seeking RPG's. And maybe we could have some bomb-sniffing sensors at the approaches to alert the mercenaries when it's time to engage.
— Restricted county access: Anybody who gets to the Dam Road has arrived in the county through a limited number of avenues. Let's set up gated perimeters with armed guards who search every vehicle upon entry. We'll fund it by making people pay a toll. It'll still cost less than parking at Vail.
***
We interrupt this message for a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!!:
A woman who lives near the gondola in Breckenridge was upset to find her new skis and poles had been stolen from her vehicle outside her condominium — on the anniversary of her deceased mother's birthday!
“I've lived here for 10 years and never had a problem,” she said. “They weren't even inside.”
The skis were a special, rather expensive gift from her boyfriend. A “substantial reward” is being offered for the return or information that leads to their return, no questions asked.
They're Volkl Aura skis colored black, white and pink with an Oriental design.
If you have any information on them, let us know at summitup@summitdaily.com and we'll see that the message gets forwarded.
As we understand it, horrifying and disabling — even fatal — crashes are 10x more likely to happen on stolen merchandise.
Call it Rocky Mountain karma.
***
In other news, we've come up with more ways to live thrifty in Summit County.
Bathrooms don't really need lightbulbs. Stop using them and you'll have smaller energy bills, and you'll save even more money than buying compact fluorescents.
Candles are a romantic alternative, and you'll find you don't use them nearly as frequently as electricity.
Millions of Summit Up Readers: Yeah, but we don't want to live like barbarians.
SU: It's Sunday and we broke the bank on trendy new ski gear.
It's been roughly a year and a half since they started shutting the damn thing down every night.
And driving up the Silverthorne hill no doubt puts a few extra bursts of carbon into the atmosphere.
Driving down it in a snowstorm is about as easy on the nerves as playing Operation in the dark.
So we don't like driving on that unpleasant stretch of Interstate 70 any more than we have to, particularly between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.
Our public officials, along with the saintly individuals running Denver Water, have been working on a long-term solution for the Dillon Dam Road that would allow for travel as well as protection against bloodthirsty nihilists and fundamentalist terrorists.
But they haven't given us much to go on. Today the security consists of security guards in white sport-utility vehicles with no authority to pull people over.
There are a couple of barriers that pop up when something heavy — like a Ryder truck loaded to the hilt with chemical explosives — tries to access the dam segment.
We applaud the barriers, but we're still not really sure why we have to get eyeballed by a rent-a-cop for using the road.
Here are some longterm dam solutions we've arrived upon after hours of contemplation:
— Monorail: Everyone's been talking about one from Denver to here, so why not install an initial leg from Breckenridge to Arapahoe Basin, with stops along the way, in place of Dillon Dam Road?
It would cut down on carbon and reduce the number of accidents. Plus tourists love monorails, just ask the folks at Disneyland.
There's plenty of vacant forest land along the path, and we could use eminent domain to take care of the rest. Brilliant!
— Frisco Ferry: Motorists can load their vehicles on a sea-worthy carrier that takes them from the Frisco Marina to Dillon Marina in less than 30 minutes. We foresee many opportunities to make a couple extra bucks off the captive travelers.
— Swan Mountain Freeway: Widen the road between Summit Cove and Farmer's Korner to accommodate four lanes of traffic at a higher rate of speed. This would help foster growth in both the communities as well.
— Dillon Suspension Bridge: The primary dam threat is that an explosive device set off on the road could cause overtopping. Circumvent the problem with a bridge near the dam. We could reinforce the existing dam and offer another eye-catching reason to visit Summit County.
— Move the reservoir: A fat wad of stimulus cash could effectively move 83 billion gallons of water someplace less troublesome, say, Heeney, perhaps. We could unearth (unwater?) and repopulate the old ghost town under Dillon Reservoir and wash our hands of the whole security mess.
— Beef up Denver Water security: This is the age of Blackwater and terrorism. Let's bring in the heavies. We're thinking retired Navy SEALs with heat-seeking RPG's. And maybe we could have some bomb-sniffing sensors at the approaches to alert the mercenaries when it's time to engage.
— Restricted county access: Anybody who gets to the Dam Road has arrived in the county through a limited number of avenues. Let's set up gated perimeters with armed guards who search every vehicle upon entry. We'll fund it by making people pay a toll. It'll still cost less than parking at Vail.
***
We interrupt this message for a Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!!:
A woman who lives near the gondola in Breckenridge was upset to find her new skis and poles had been stolen from her vehicle outside her condominium — on the anniversary of her deceased mother's birthday!
“I've lived here for 10 years and never had a problem,” she said. “They weren't even inside.”
The skis were a special, rather expensive gift from her boyfriend. A “substantial reward” is being offered for the return or information that leads to their return, no questions asked.
They're Volkl Aura skis colored black, white and pink with an Oriental design.
If you have any information on them, let us know at summitup@summitdaily.com and we'll see that the message gets forwarded.
As we understand it, horrifying and disabling — even fatal — crashes are 10x more likely to happen on stolen merchandise.
Call it Rocky Mountain karma.
***
In other news, we've come up with more ways to live thrifty in Summit County.
Bathrooms don't really need lightbulbs. Stop using them and you'll have smaller energy bills, and you'll save even more money than buying compact fluorescents.
Candles are a romantic alternative, and you'll find you don't use them nearly as frequently as electricity.
Millions of Summit Up Readers: Yeah, but we don't want to live like barbarians.
SU: It's Sunday and we broke the bank on trendy new ski gear.
