News
ENLARGE
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world's only daily column that is, once again, totally freaked out about the date.
Millions of Summit Up Readers: Why? It's the …
Sound of everyone checking their
calendars.
MSUR: 29th of January. 1.29.12? There aren't even any weird number patterns in today's date.
Summit Up: No, but it's exactly one month until Leap Day 2012 and it is American baseball player Stacey King's 45th birthday. Coincidence? We think not.
And the freaky weirdness continues. It's also the anniversary of the death of the Greek dictator Ioannis Metaxas and the day after the 125th anniversary of the largest observed snowflake. And excuse us while we get sidetracked here for a moment, but isn't “largest observed snowflake” sort of a stupid record anyway? There have probably been a few million bigger snowflakes over the last 125 years that were never “observed” for size, weight, birthmarks or other identifying features. What are they, chopped liver? It just doesn't seem fair to give all the credit to this one particular snowflake.
But nevertheless, according to Wikipedia, a 15-inch snowflake was observed in Montana on Jan. 28, 1887, and that is just too many coincidences to ignore.
So we consulted the Farmer's Almanac, the Julian calendar, all of Nostradamus's lesser-known writings and our own Palm Pilot and discovered that, in fact, this very set of seemingly coincidental occurrences all occurring at the same time indicates that the Mayans may have miscalculated by about 11 months and the rapture is actually tomorrow! Or they're inadvisably going to try to resurrect Sex and the City for prime time next season. Nostradamus was a little unclear.
But, maybe, the rapture is tomorrow! What do you have to say to that?!
MSUR: Why do you still have a Palm Pilot? You know they have smartphones now, right?
SU: Everybody's a skeptic. Well, fine don't believe us. But when the world comes to an abrupt end on Jan. 30, 2012 (or a bunch of promiscuous aging women from New York reappear in HBO's Thursday-night lineup sometime this fall) don't say we didn't warn you.
***
Moving on, it appears to be Girl Scout cookie time once again. Here in the ol' corporate suites we've been taking down some trefoils, which as all Girl Scout cookie aficionados know are the old fashioned shortbread cookies.
While we're not really sure who purchased the cookies we're eating, we must say that they do make for a very satisfying snack. The only complaint is that there are no thin mints or samoas. What kind of a coworker leaves cookies in the office over the weekend without inquiring what types the weekend staff prefer? On second thought, maybe the cookies we've been enjoying were not meant for us. ...
So track down your neighborhood Girl Scout and buy yourself a box or six. That's what we'll be doing; we have a box of trefoils to replace.
***
Our old buddy Ric dropped us an email Saturday warning about an apparent move by the second-oldest Kardashian to win the heart of Colorado's latest golden boy, Tim Tebow. Ric writes thusly:
“Kim Kardashian Alert! Kim Kardashian Alert!
Once again we here at Ric Central have scooped Hey Spike! It seems the world is all a twitter over Super K's attempting to deflower Tim Tebow. You leave our Little Timmy alone you hot little hussy!
For all you know he's saving himself for a bloodless savage like Calista Gingrich. Turn your lovely charms and Florence Nightingale tendencies instead towards helping out an at-risk-senior like myself. Pleeeaaasssse! I'm a good friend of the local 5-0 I can get you immunity! My heart is healthy enough for sexual activity says Doctor-To-The Famous Doc PJ. My wife (even better-I'm married) is a fitness Nazi who makes me eat granola. Granola dammit! I look just like Biff America and I hang out at the coffee shop across from the Everybody Loves Jeffrey City and County Building on Lincoln. I need your help desperately-Kojak can't keep his hands off me-call me soon. If I'm not at the coffee shop I'll be nearby hitting on old ladies and surrounded by paparazzi.
Alrighty then; did I name enough local luminaries?
Your friend
Ric”
Best of luck with that Ric.
***
Well today is Sunday, so get out there and explore the magnificent sculptures in Breck and enjoy some of that snow that has fallen in the county over the last week.
We out.
Millions of Summit Up Readers: Why? It's the …
Sound of everyone checking their
calendars.
MSUR: 29th of January. 1.29.12? There aren't even any weird number patterns in today's date.
Summit Up: No, but it's exactly one month until Leap Day 2012 and it is American baseball player Stacey King's 45th birthday. Coincidence? We think not.
And the freaky weirdness continues. It's also the anniversary of the death of the Greek dictator Ioannis Metaxas and the day after the 125th anniversary of the largest observed snowflake. And excuse us while we get sidetracked here for a moment, but isn't “largest observed snowflake” sort of a stupid record anyway? There have probably been a few million bigger snowflakes over the last 125 years that were never “observed” for size, weight, birthmarks or other identifying features. What are they, chopped liver? It just doesn't seem fair to give all the credit to this one particular snowflake.
But nevertheless, according to Wikipedia, a 15-inch snowflake was observed in Montana on Jan. 28, 1887, and that is just too many coincidences to ignore.
So we consulted the Farmer's Almanac, the Julian calendar, all of Nostradamus's lesser-known writings and our own Palm Pilot and discovered that, in fact, this very set of seemingly coincidental occurrences all occurring at the same time indicates that the Mayans may have miscalculated by about 11 months and the rapture is actually tomorrow! Or they're inadvisably going to try to resurrect Sex and the City for prime time next season. Nostradamus was a little unclear.
But, maybe, the rapture is tomorrow! What do you have to say to that?!
MSUR: Why do you still have a Palm Pilot? You know they have smartphones now, right?
SU: Everybody's a skeptic. Well, fine don't believe us. But when the world comes to an abrupt end on Jan. 30, 2012 (or a bunch of promiscuous aging women from New York reappear in HBO's Thursday-night lineup sometime this fall) don't say we didn't warn you.
***
Moving on, it appears to be Girl Scout cookie time once again. Here in the ol' corporate suites we've been taking down some trefoils, which as all Girl Scout cookie aficionados know are the old fashioned shortbread cookies.
While we're not really sure who purchased the cookies we're eating, we must say that they do make for a very satisfying snack. The only complaint is that there are no thin mints or samoas. What kind of a coworker leaves cookies in the office over the weekend without inquiring what types the weekend staff prefer? On second thought, maybe the cookies we've been enjoying were not meant for us. ...
So track down your neighborhood Girl Scout and buy yourself a box or six. That's what we'll be doing; we have a box of trefoils to replace.
***
Our old buddy Ric dropped us an email Saturday warning about an apparent move by the second-oldest Kardashian to win the heart of Colorado's latest golden boy, Tim Tebow. Ric writes thusly:
“Kim Kardashian Alert! Kim Kardashian Alert!
Once again we here at Ric Central have scooped Hey Spike! It seems the world is all a twitter over Super K's attempting to deflower Tim Tebow. You leave our Little Timmy alone you hot little hussy!
For all you know he's saving himself for a bloodless savage like Calista Gingrich. Turn your lovely charms and Florence Nightingale tendencies instead towards helping out an at-risk-senior like myself. Pleeeaaasssse! I'm a good friend of the local 5-0 I can get you immunity! My heart is healthy enough for sexual activity says Doctor-To-The Famous Doc PJ. My wife (even better-I'm married) is a fitness Nazi who makes me eat granola. Granola dammit! I look just like Biff America and I hang out at the coffee shop across from the Everybody Loves Jeffrey City and County Building on Lincoln. I need your help desperately-Kojak can't keep his hands off me-call me soon. If I'm not at the coffee shop I'll be nearby hitting on old ladies and surrounded by paparazzi.
Alrighty then; did I name enough local luminaries?
Your friend
Ric”
Best of luck with that Ric.
***
Well today is Sunday, so get out there and explore the magnificent sculptures in Breck and enjoy some of that snow that has fallen in the county over the last week.
We out.
