Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world's only daily column that just had the pleasure of receiving four - count 'em - four onesie pajamas on a fraudulent credit card purchase Thursday.
Get this: Someone stole our credit card information, purchased a handful of these Smurf-blue, fleece onesies, and didn't have them shipped to them; no, they had them shipped to us here at the Summit Up World Headquarters.
We'd think it was a practical joke from one of our many lovers, pre-Valentine's Day or something like that, but we're not quite so sure.
Maybe it's someone wanting us to take a break from producing this backbreaking labor of love and slip into our $70, Forever Lazy-branded PJs, grab our Douche Bag coozie and lean back for a good relaxation sesh.
After all, Douche Bag (the bag company) is the third-highest entry on a Google search ...
Anyway, what's classic about these jammie's are they're sized extra-small. Extra small? We're pretty sure our pet elephant could fit into these.
And the "poop chute," as we like to call it, is sized as such. Goes all the way across the back of the thing!
"One heck of a poop chute," a Summit Up colleague stated.
And so, we're thinking, what exactly can be done with a Smurf-blue onesie pajama set complete with unattached footies?
We have a few ideas.
Paint a big, orange D on there and wear it to a Broncos game?
Be Smurfs for Halloween?
Go skiing in it on Gaper Day.
How about turning them into a fun photo for our April Fool's Day edition?
Call it the new Alabama Gore-Tex, complete with the coozie and a PBR tucked inside?
You know, the 'Bama version of Texas Gore-Tex - also known as jeans. (Sorry, Texas folk - many of you are very well dressed and we admire your fashion here at the Summit Up World Headquarters!)
Or, we could get you, our dear Summit Up readers, to best this story for a chance to win one of four - count 'em - four Smurf-blue onesie pajamas with detached footies provided.
By the way, it even has a hood!
A quick thank you shout out before we head out:
"A big thank you to Jean Hendrix, the Peak 7 Trail Goddess!! Jean cuts all the entrances to the trails so locals and visitors can easily access and enjoy our beautiful trails and mountains. It looks like the work of six men, but it's just Jean. Thanks for your hard work!"
Go Jean! Can't wait to see the work you're doing. With that, we out.