Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world's only daily column that predicted the existence of the Higgs boson way before any Swiss Army collider "discovered" the so-called elementary particle.
Now, you might ask, how would a newspaper column know anything about science of any kind, much less the cutting edge of advanced physics. Well, the explanation is quite technical and would require several charts and graphs. Due to space considerations, however, we'll have to save that for another time. Instead, enjoy the following item submitted by a local fire department:
"Lake Dillon Fire reports a flashing-lights scum alert! An unknown someone, or someones, swiped the U.S. flag flying over Lake Dillon Fire Station No. 12 in Summit Cove earlier this month. How unpatriotic! Lake Dillon Fire also reports a flashing-lights-AND-sirens angel alert!! Local Cub Scout Pack #186, which uses Station No. 12 for its meetings, upon learning of the theft of the flag, offered a replacement so that Old Glory is back to her rightful spot. Merit badges all around, kiddos!"