Finding your soul mate can seem like a daunting task. The single-and-looking crowd is inundated with messages from dating websites, self-help gurus and well-meaning friends and family members. The constant rhetoric is exhausting and, many times, doesn’t really get to the heart of the matter: In order to find out if you are truly compatible with someone, you need to ask the hard questions early in the relationship.
That’s the idea behind author Steve Brass’ book “Love Match: 50 Questions to Find Your Mate.” Brass will sign his books and host a mini relationship workshop at The Next Page bookstore in Frisco tonight.
“The book is the result of having a number of relationships in my life, some that I realized after a number of years just weren’t compatible,” Brass said. “I wasn’t asking the right questions early enough.”
Brass went through a difficult breakup several years ago and realized that though there were some red flags early in the relationship, he hadn’t been posing the proper questions to really gauge compatibility.
“I thought, ‘OK, what kind of questions should I ask earlier?’” he said. “So I made a list and interviewed couples and singles and people who were divorced and entering the dating scene again.”
From the questions, a book was born, and in the process of writing it, Brass met and married his wife.
“We used the book as a wonderful tool to get to know each other,” he said.
Deeper, sustainable love
Brass said the book is useful for people in all types of relationships, from those who are just getting to know each other to those who have been together for a long time and are looking to deepen their commitment.
“The first question is, ‘What kind of relationship are you looking for?’” Brass said. “Some people won’t be honest, and some people may not know.”
Brass said when someone is looking for a committed relationship, he or she often projects a fantasy of love onto whoever comes into the spotlight.
“The person becomes irrelevant, and that clouds our objectivity of seeing this person and knowing what are my feelings because we get wrapped up in this fantasy,” he said. “We fall into some kind of a trance.”
But in order for that initial infatuation to develop into a deeper love, we have to figure out early if we are compatible, Brass said. His book helps determine quickly whether you’ve struck relationship gold, whether you see issues that need to be resolved or even whether it’s time to move on.
“Love Match” asks those hard questions, which range from how each partner handles stress to how money will be handled to religious and spiritual beliefs and whether kids will be part of the picture. Whether it’s a discussion with a potential mate or used for personal reflection about what you want out of a relationship, the book is a divining rod for compatible relationships.