Del Toro: Gaper Day shut down by Breckenridge police
April 1, 2013
It is interesting to note that Monday will be treated as a zero-tolerance event in which the Town of Breckenridge Law Enforcement shall incarcerate “any local showing DISRESPECT to any revenue-contributing Tourist.”
Breckenridge Public Law Section 420-04/01/2013 states clearly, “Any Breck Local who shows disrespect, malice, poor directions to the post office, refusing to confess where the moguls are stored in the summer, displaying poor mountain fashion mimicking visitors from Texas, New York, or California, or (worst of all!), sending a tourist to the GOLD PAN for a beer, shall be prosecuted to the full extent of town law.”
Further, penalties for “DISRESPECTING TOURISTS” include, but not limited to: (1) tendering obsolete Medicinal Marijuana Medical Cards to the Chief of Police, (2) Being banned from puffing-down on the town Gondola for a period not to exceed 100 years, (3) Banishment from the Bump Buffet, and (4) in “aggravated cases of Tourist-Disrespect” being forced to move to Cleveland, Ohio, and work fast-food.
Seems the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America will not apply to the sovereign Kingdom of Breckenridge on April Fool’s Day.
But, damn, at least I’m not a gaper.
Lorenzo Del Toro, Breckenridge