Summit Up 12-16-12: Hill’s spill
Ryan Summerlin December 16, 2012
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s happy to hear that Hillary Clinton is actually human.
The former first lady, secretary of state and future contender for the White House (we’ll see) had a little accident yesterday morning.
After a stomach bug dehydrated Super Hill, she fainted and gave herself a minor concussion. Though she’s doing fine now, the little slip caused quite the media circus over the accident as news outlets worldwide rushed to the scene to ensure Hill’s well-being.
A young reporter from the Daily Examiner considered the scene a highlight in his career.
“I just really couldn’t believe how beautiful she still looked even after her fall knocked her out for a moment,” said Jeremy Hicktober, a journalist and recent graduate from Columbia. “All of my days in graduate school I obsessed over her charm and public persona and now out in the field as a reporter, I feel like my life is truly complete now that I’m met Hillary.”
Other, more seasoned veterans in the news industry were not as impressed by Hill’s spill.
“I don’t think it was a stomach bug at all and I know she wasn’t dehydrated because I was spying on her before it happened and I saw her drinking water through a window – she looked really good when she was doing that though,” said Roger Wilton, from the Boston Globe.
Hill’s right-hand man and spokesman Scott Stapleton, released a statement on her behalf:
“Hillary is doing fine and is recovering well from her stomach bug and fall. She will be back, on top of the world again tomorrow looking better than ever,” Stapleton said.
After a press conference, reporters could hear Stapleton add something under his breath:
“I’ve never seen a more beautiful woman fall more gracefully. I wish I could have caught her so she would finally leave Bill and marry me.”