Summit Up 12-9-12: Rock-hard and salty
Ryan Summerlin December 8, 2012
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s wondering how long the food in our vending machine has been in there.
How fresh could those Doritos be? Especially when we’ve noted the same, old bag teetering between the metal clamp for months now.
It’s a faint memory at best, but we lost a dollar in the attempt to taste its stale saltiness eons ago – our unperfectly, absurdly wrinkled bill was accepted then rejected. Accepted, then rejected… Accepted… you get the point. Finally the darn machine took the bill and then the bag of chips became stuck on the rickety, old metal arm. What agony!
But for the better, we say! Our vending machine is geological – as in, the food is so old that it’s petrified. A salted nutroll that we ate last month was hard as a rock. We almost broke a tooth on it!
We were so frustrated and infuriated with the monstrosity that truly, it took us a good 20 minutes to calm down before we threw the rest of the disgraceful candy bar in the trash.
So there it is, we’ve given up on the convenience of the vending machine and the food within, that no doubt dates back to the days of M. John Fayhee at the Summit Up World Headquarters.
There’s no plan for the snack foods and little thought lingering on the expiration dates ticking like time bombs in the break room, so if you don’t mind eating geological food dating back to the Mesozoic era then by all means, the food supply is abundant! We out.