Summit Up 2-19-13: Where we discuss angels and aliens
February 18, 2013
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that is pleased to offer an Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! as a follow-up to a previous Scum Alert. In the Feb. 11 edition of Summit Up, we called out an unknown driver who drove into the fence at the Fireside Inn at French and Wellington awhile back and drove off without owning up. Well, justice can at last be served, thanks to Breck police officer Ortega who found the offender’s license plate left behind at the scene of the crime, under the snow.
Well all this news of meteorites over Russia has gotten us thinking –what if the eventual apocalypse isn’t zombies or Mayans at all, but aliens? Have we been preparing for the wrong one all this time? After a brief moment of panic, we decided to look back on all our favorite alien movies to see what we could do to prepare ourselves for the next threat. If it’s a Predator-style alien, we know we should roll around in mud to mask our heat signatures. If they’re like the creatures from Independence Day, we know we can rely on a simple laptop virus and the U.S. president in a fighter jet. While there are too many alien races from Star Trek to list, it seems like the Enterprise crew managed to do pretty well for themselves overall, so long as they weren’t a red-shirted ensign.
So there you have it. Now, if you don’t mind, we’re off to roll in the mud, take a course on simultaneous computer hacking and fighter jet piloting, burn all our red shirts, and re-watch the alien movies for extraterrestrial butt-kicking technique tips. We out.