Summit Up 7-28-09
July 27, 2009
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that wants you to know that bottled water:
– Makes acid rain fall on playgrounds
– Is the primary cause of restless leg syndrome
– Causes blindness in puppies
– Is made from 98 percent melted ice caps and 2 percent Polar bear tears
Of course we all know those things aren’t true, but neither are the ads put out by the big bottled water companies, who seem to promise everything but eternal life if you buy and use their products.
So a new anti-bottled water campaign is planning to fight fire with fire by letting people make up their own version of why bottled water is bad. We love this concept, and we’re including it in Summit Up because it’s right up our alley. We make up stuff like this all the time, so it should come natural to us.
Anyhow, if you’re interested in starting your own lie about bottled water, go to http://www.tappening.com and learn more. All we’re gonna say is that we know that most bottled water is basically just tap water filled into a bottle, and that’s just wrong!
Back in the day, some bottled water did come from natural springs hidden way back in a mossy glen, guarded by gnomes wearing knickers and checkered kerchiefs, wielding bronze swords to keep the trolls away.
But these days, the truth is that the demand for this product is so high that most of the companies simply turn on the faucet, fill the bottles and slap a label on there that implies it came from some glacier-fed stream – so lame! And we are SO tired of seeing every garbage can filled to overflowing with plastic bottles. Time to get a grip on this addiction folks. They charge more for this stuff than gasoline?
After grokking on the evils of bottled water, we need to figure out what we’re going to do with the latest addition to our stable of partially functional toys, this being a slightly used electric guitar that’s missing one string and has no amplifier. This fits nicely with our collection of other odds and ends, like a radio-controlled boat without a propeller, a cracked wooden baseball bat and a one-wheeled bicycle. We can say that we’ve always wanted an electric guitar and in celebration of the 40th anniversary of Woodstock and Jimi Hendrix, we’re going to try and learn to play that bad boy with our teeth. We’re pretty sure that’s probably not so good for the enamel, but it just seems to cool not to try it. Hmmm, wonder if we face any potential danger of electrocution? Will our fillings vibrate and come loose? We’ll keep you posted.
And as always, when we run out of original material, we reach back into the grab bag of history for tidbits like this: Today is definitely the day to go out and order a Pisco Sour from your favorite bartender, since on July 28, 1980, Peru adopted a constitution. We’re pretty sure they’re still operating under that same deal, but try a Pisco Sour in any case. It’s a tasty beverage.
In 1943, President Roosevelt announced the end of coffee rationing in the U.S., good news for all the caffeine addicts.
This day also supposedly marks the “creation” of the hamburger by some guy named Louis Lassing in Connecticut, although we’re a bit skeptical on this one. But certainly, feel free to use that as an excuse to go out and snarf down a Big Mac, if that’s appealing.
And going back as far as we can find, this is the anniversary of the Battle of Aquileja, when Emperor Theodosius defeated emperor Magnus Maximis.
Wow, too bad nobody has names like that anymore. Just think, if they did, we’d be saying things like, “I’m gonna go play racketball with Theodosius and then catch a cold one with Magnus Maximis at the Tiki Bar.”
Last up today we want to give a shout out to Nancy Cook, our very own local singer/songwriter who’s been a FOSU (Friend of Summit Up) for many years. Nancy plays all over the place, but she’s lately started gigging Tuesday nights at the Blue Spruce here in Frisco, which is a skip, crawl and a jump away from the Summit Up Central Suites. Nancy will be there tonight from 6:30 to 9, so go check it out and tell her Summit Up sent you to receive a complimentary blank look. (Just kidding: We’re sure Nancy will say something nice.)
We out, learning Latin.