Williams: How to die in Summit County in only three simple steps
September 22, 2012
There are many ways to die in Summit County. Hiking with antlers on your head during elk hunting season; playing blind man’s bluff on top of Mount Royal. Or one of my all-time favorite, the moose photo shoot.
Step 1: Approach the moose as though you were in a petting zoo. Ignore the fact that the bull moose has lost the velvet fur on their paddles (antlers); which means they are even more aggressive than normal because it is rutting (mating) season.
Step 2: Move closer to the moose so you can get a great photo. Be sure to look down at your camera after each photo shot so you know that you got a good one. Never bother to look up at the bull moose that is glaring at you only 30 feet away.
Step 3: For safety, stand behind some spindly aspen trees. Forget the fact that a 1,000 pound moose can run at 35 mph (Usian Bolt 200 meter world record run was 23.35 mph). And forget that the moose can run through those aspen trees like a football team running through a paper banner at the start of a game.
Follow these three simple steps (despite a warning from the author) and you will give your friends and family decades of storytelling. That is to say how you died while taking a close up photo of a bull moose.
Welcome to Summit County and have a nice day.