Contestant No. 3 strikes back |

Contestant No. 3 strikes back

summit daily news

“Contestant No. 3: If you were a cereal, what would you be,” asked the bachelorette Tuesday night at Cecilia’s, kicking off another titillating round of Ullr Dating Game.


The boozed-up audience shouted everything from Cap’n Crunch to Cocoa Puffs.

“Nutri-Grain,” I responded.

Ouch. Ooh. Everyone – particularly the sweet thing behind the curtain – evidently detested the sugarless stuff.

I’m not sure I quite recall what the other dudes said. But their responses were more kinky and clever, damn it.

The remainder of my answers were better than the other guys’; however, my fate had already been sealed. I made second place.

The fifth annual dating game is an event where the kind hosts from KSMT-The Mountain radio station like to see which Summit Daily writer is gullible/desperate enough to sign up.

Locals and visitors fill the venue for the competition; the fella who beat me was from California.

Last year’s SDN contestant suffered a fate similar to my own.

Fortunately for me, I scored later in the night anyway.

Among the side contests was a shot at two nights at Fortune Valley Hotel and Casino in Central City. Predetermined escort not included.

All you had to do was step on stage and tell the best Las Vegas story, and boy do I have a humdinger:

“My pals and I were kicking it at MGM Grand Las Vegas when a couple of cool cats invited us up to the top floor of a skyscraper. The floors of glass reflected the vivacious city lights and as I marveled, I looked up to see Wayne Newton! Wayne Newton!”

(About this time the dating game host hushed the chorus of snow-bro sleazeballs chanting “B-S” to pipe down, and I continued before a captive audience.)

“Later on, Wayne invited us to his crib – where he keeps wild animals in his backyard, Siegfried and Roy-style (which reminds me: will Ullr’s dating game ever include gays and lesbians?).

“We emptied out all the top-shelf, aged slabs of loin steaks from his refrigerator as we fed them to the tigers and lions and whatnot. Then he gave me a box of albums, and it’s all I ever listen to these days.”

I received a pathetic excuse for an applause. Nobody else dared to top the Wayne experience, and I won!

The dating game prizes ranged from nights of food and entertainment in local communities to additional casino trips.

Tuesday’s turn-out was excellent, and let’s hope the enthusiasm will inspire Ullr to dump more snow.

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