Dollars: Clicks the least we can do for newsroom trolls
So I read that some patrons of your FREE paper have kvetched about having to click past a couple of Google surveys to access SDN on the interwebs. Sheesh, the things that twist people’s knickers.
Personally, I prefer to walk to one of the ubiquitous blue boxes to retrieve the multi-colored ink patterns on re-purposed tree pulp that are the physical manifestations of your deep thoughtyness. But on those rare occasions when I can’t escape the gravitational pull of the sofa and I opt to have the SDN wired directly into my brain in digital format, I am happy take .001 seconds to click on your behalf. Indeed, that would seem to be literally the least I can do. If that effort keeps the newsroom trolls well-supplied with Slim Jims and Mountain Dew, it’s all worth it. In fact, I’ve compiled a little list of minor nuisances which I would willingly endure to keep you, the infinite number of Summit Up monkeys typing on an infinite number of keyboards, as well as your more erudite colleagues, gainfully employed and off the streets (especially the streets in our neighborhood). Viz., I would: take one ski run (green or blue only, please) with my boots unbuckled and my fly breezily unzipped; travel four times around the traffic circle trapped between two minivans with Kansas plates; brave the narrow aisles of City Market at 4:30 p.m. on a Friday in March; or, order an iced tea while seated at the bar at the Gold Pan. Yes, these things and more I would gladly do so that you Noble Knights of Newsprint may continue to exercise and defend the third and fourth clauses of the First Amendment, as well as other things that sometimes need exercising and defending. And don’t we all, really? Especially the exercising part.
Join me, citizens of the Summit. Manhandle your mouse or firmly finger your touch pad. Two clicks a day for journalist pay!
Rob Dollars, Breckenridge
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