Don’t plan a shopping trip afterward |

Don’t plan a shopping trip afterward

“The Corporation” also is the sort of documentary that puts a big, polluted damper on shopping sprees.It figures that my first big shopping spree in about three years would have to land within the same 24-hour period of watching a documentary about how, basically, we’re all doomed if corporations and consumerism continue unchecked.I’m moving into a new house, and my birthday’s coming up, so I went to check out Jake Jabs’ birthday bash at American Furniture Warehouse last weekend. But first I had to stop at Soundtrack because my camera broke, and, did I mention, my birthday is approaching. Within five minutes of experiencing blaring hip-hop, R2D2’s computer-generated gurgling, digitized sharks swimming along the walls and a host of other technical cacophony, I hated every consumeristic bone in my body.

But Jabs’ birthday bash – where I could save thousands of dollars – cheered me up. I fell in love with a sofa set (yes, not just one sofa, but four fat, pillowy monstrosities trimmed with wood and leather), a bench, a mirror and a futon.So much for Michael Moore’s prod to get off the (new) sofa and fight corporate greed.Granted, I didn’t buy much, but as I left Soundtrack, I felt like just another mortal trapped in the incessant wheel of desire.The documentary compares corporations to people, arguing the 14th amendment should protect human beings rather than big business.

Then it delves into psychiatric diagnosis, asking, “What kind of person is the corporation?” It sounds compelling, but in practice it’s as disturbing as Pfizer trying to push its latest happy pill. According to the quasi-psychiatric filmmakers, corporations should be institutionalized because they’re psychopaths.While the narrator asserted corporations have no moral conscience and are legally bound to put the bottom line above everything else, a man across the aisle from me mumbled “That’s not true” and “hmmmped” at other vile accusations. Meanwhile, the woman in front of me shook her head in what appeared to be sad disbelief as cows suffered from grotesquely swollen utters and children worked in sweatshops, all in the name of the almighty dollar.”The Corporation” towers with too much information, like most recent documentaries designed to spur Americans to fight injustice, but certain segments weigh heavily.The main segment documented two Fox News reporters who investigated the dangers of a drug designed to produce more milk in cows. I’ll let the filmmakers tell the rest of the story.

Though not a Moore film, the outspoken filmmaker gives his 200 cents, adding a glimmer of hope to an otherwise discouraging movie by rallying citizens to DO SOMETHING.”Eventually, when you call a bluff, the tables turn,” Moore says.Or you just go out and buy a new coffee table to make yourself feel better.Kimberly Nicoletti can be found eating cake with Jake Jabs and feeling guilty as he loads her new sofa set into the trailer.

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