April Fools’ Day: Breckenridge unveils new transit plan: Just park on Biff’s lawn
Based on a new study from the Nelson/Nygaard consultancy, the Breckenridge Town Council announced on Tuesday a bold new vision for easing traffic congestion in the downtown core: Just park on Jeff Bergeron’s lawn.
Councilman Bergeron, known to many by his Biff America alter ego, first proposed the innovative idea at a work session last month.
“I’m not using it for anything. Right now, all I have out there is a sweet 1972 Trans Am. It’s all jacked up on some cinder blocks and just taking up space. Bring on the cars — Lucille could use a friend or two,” Bergeron said.
The councilman also said he’d be willing to fire up the grill on occasion for guests.
“I’ve got like a two-year supply of jalapeno brats in the deep freeze — there’s no way I’m gonna finish those on my own without a three-year supply of Rolaids,” Bergeron said.
The lawn proposal is a radical departure from the town’s previous approach. Until this week, Breckenridge had focused its efforts to address traffic woes on implementing new roundabouts, paid parking and a Main Street trolley.
In a letter circulated to season pass holders on Wednesday, Breckenridge Ski Resort denounced the idea.
“When voters passed a ballot measure in November of 2016, it was under the distinct impression that a 4.5 percent tax on lift tickets would go toward paying for a parking garage on the F-Lot — not a tailgate party at Biff’s place,” CEO John Buhler wrote.
Town officials clarified that Bergeron is offering up his lawn gratis and that none of the $3.5 million generated annually by the lift-ticket tax would go toward improvements on the councilman’s home.
“There’s been some misinformation out there,” said Mayor Eric Mamula. “Yes, we originally thought a parking garage in downtown was the solution. But this new study really changed our thinking on using what we already have available. Nelson/Nygaard asked, ‘Have you thought about lawns?’ And we were like, ‘Uh, yeah, but whose lawn?’ Jeff just really stepped up for us. It’s a win-win.”
But it might not be the end of the story. At a town hall meeting on Friday night, a smooth-talking, song-and-dance man named Lyle Lanley swayed the audience toward spending the lift-ticket tax revenue on a monorail, which has already curtailed traffic in Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook.
“You know, a town with money is a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it,” Lanley told the delighted crowd, which began chanting: “Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!”
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