Meredith Carroll: United Airlines cuts verbal communication |

Meredith Carroll: United Airlines cuts verbal communication

special to the daily

United Airlines quietly announced last week that it’s pulling the plug on a customer call center in India that fields passenger complaints (and, uh, compliments). The nation’s No. 3 airline has stopped publishing its customer service number and will disconnect it entirely at the end of April, at which time travelers wishing to express an opinion after a flight will have to send a letter or e-mail.

According to a spokeswoman for the airline, “We did a lot of research, we looked into it, and people who e-mail or write us are more satisfied with our responses.”

While earning unanimous accolades for the decision (except from the soon-to-be former employees at the United call center in India), the first group that publicly expressed enthusiastic support for the move is the U.S. Postal Service. By calculating the size of the United Airlines fleet, the number of flights per day and then factoring the number of complaints (and, uh, compliments) that are likely registered after each one, post offices nationwide are figuring United passengers could save the rapidly sinking postage industry at the precise moment the phone number is taken out of service.

Not far behind with its backing was the paper and pen industry. Paperies and ink manufacturers from coast to coast have reportedly been breathing sighs of relief that their all but obsolete professions have a newfound purpose. (The trees, however, are said to be beside themselves and trying to summon the strength and courage to brace for what is expected to be an enormous up tick in deforestation. The announcement of a march on Washington is expected any day.)

But the change is garnering the highest approval ratings among passengers. Frequent fliers averse to human interaction are ecstatic knowing that they will no longer have to attempt to describe their travel experiences over the phone. Instead, United has granted them the privilege to carefully craft their words and spend 42 cents to mail in their thoughts, which will no doubt be carefully reviewed and acknowledged in well under two years.

Of course some passengers will opt to communicate electronically once the customer service number is disconnected. Some travelers might use flight delays to their advantage, fashioning letters on their BlackBerrys or laptops while being stuck on the tarmac and skillfully ignored by the surly (and, uh, sympathetic) flight attendants after requesting additional information on the take-off time. Those savvy enough to successfully navigate and find the correct e-mail address will undoubtedly reap instant gratification upon receiving an automated response thanking them for their correspondence and explaining that their opinion matters.

The spokeswoman for United said having domestic reservation agents handle written complaints (and, uh, compliments) won’t cost the airline any additional money because it’s preparing to cross-train reservationists in Chicago and Honolulu to respond to letters from customers. Those employees were rumored to have jumped for joy upon hearing that their job descriptions were being fattened while their paychecks will remain static.

According to United fan websites, bloggers are now eagerly awaiting the airline’s next announcement, thinking it may be the implementation of flights with pay-as-you-go toilets. Fingers (and legs) in all of United’s major hubs are crossed.

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