Here’s the solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports: Have a booth that you can step into that will not x-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your body. It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial.

Justice would be quick and swift.

This is so simple that it’s brilliant. I can see it now. You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system: “Attention standby passengers. We now have a seat available on flight number 4665 … Paging maintenance. Shop Vac needed in booth number 4.”