Next on the ban-it-now agenda: annoying children’s laughter | SummitDaily.com
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Next on the ban-it-now agenda: annoying children’s laughter

Brian Whalen, Breckenridge

Finally, Summit County residents are standing up for themselves and preparing to ban the disgusting habit of smoking in public. Thank God somebody is looking out for my health and well-being.

This recent trend of passing laws to enforce good manners has inspired me. For the past two summers, I have been employed in a workplace that is consistently crowded with individuals under 12 years of age. Now don’t get me wrong, I love children, but if there is one thing I simply cannot stomach, it is the terrible grating noise of children’s laughter.

Since my employers are too inconsiderate to enact a “laughter policy,” I am forced to go over their heads and straight to the top dogs for governmental action.

That is why friends, I will be writing my town council, as should you, to propose a public ban on children’s laughter. A $50 ticket could be issued to any business owner who allows even a simple “tee hee” to pass unchecked in the walls of their establishment.

True, I could choose to work elsewhere, and avoid frequenting establishments without anti-laughter policies. But why should I be forced to change my lifestyle when I can just pass a law?

What a truly wonderful country this would be if we could just pass enough laws so that I could never be inconvenienced again! We could pass a law against cursing in public! Or maybe a mandatory whipping for anyone caught spitting on a public sidewalk.

Perhaps the true solution to the public rudeness problem is simpler than we thought. We could simply round up all of the offensive people in this country and force them into “Etiquette Schools.” Or maybe we should all stop whining, and appreciate the few freedoms we have left.


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