No boundaries on Fat Tuesday
KEYSTONE – For a few minutes, it seemed as if Keystone’s ski patrollers had repented, but to believe they’d behave innocently on Fat Tuesday would be naive.As their float – named Revival – rolled through River Run, the group donned long silky green robes with white and gold trim around the neck.They hooted and hollered like Southern Baptists on a glorious Sunday morning, renouncing their naked ways of the past and praising the discipline of conservative dress. (If you missed their show last year, let’s just say it involved plenty of skin.)Ah, but then the music turned raucous, and who could blame them for suddenly springing from their knees and carelessly flinging the shiny garments off of their ever-so-buff bodies? After all, it was Fat Tuesday – a day to let it all hang out – literally – and recover from the debauchery and frost-bitten buttocks later.
Even as I write this, a report of a man passed out in front of Green Light nightclub comes across the police scanner, indicating some people may need the full 40 days of Lenten repentance to rejuvenate.Of course, men wearing leopard thongs with white crosses pasted to their buttocks and women dressed in racy black negligees didn’t hurt the ski patrol’s quest to win its fifth consecutive first-place award in Tuesday’s parade.But newcomers Parrot Eyes and Green Light gave the patrol a run for its money with their party barge. In the center of the float, a bare-butt man wearing a red ski patrol jacket showed his affection for a pole while wild women covered in feathers and beads danced around him. The float, which won second place, showed off its faux Rose Bowl parade leanings – it was the only one to stuff green, gold and purple tissue paper around its wire frame, like a traditional float.
And then there were the bare-bones displays of pride in one’s work.Keystone’s waste management team impressed local media judges so much with its garbage truck that moved trash loaders up and down in a synchronized show, the judges decided to award it a special honorable mention award. And the Outpost Hos seduced the judges into the best theme award.While hundreds of people lined River Run to drink hurricanes and catch beads from balconies and floats, only a fraction of partiers caught the Drag King and Queen competition at 2 p.m.
The ski patrol’s strip tease paled in comparison to a few of the lip-sync contests by wannabe drag king and queens. “Dolly Parton” started the show by rubbing her gold-lamé breasts into male judges’ faces. As if that weren’t a big enough turn-on, a silver-wigged man dressed in a miniskirt impersonated Madonna with subtly sexy choreography to “Like a Virgin.”In true gender-bending fashion, four foxy ladies confused audiences with their “Ride a Cowboy” routine; their sexy hip rolls and cute faces were enough to raise a man’s interest, but … wait … their mustaches and the, uh, bulges in their jeans just weren’t quite right.And then the real thing came out. The reigning drag king showed a little too much during his strip tease, and the judges whispered to each other, wondering if an accidental slip out of his satin tuxedo thong counted as “lewd, crude or nude” behavior.
But apparently, boundaries and definitions of “lewd, crude and nude” stretch on Fat Tuesday. Suddenly, girls dancing in gallons of chocolate pudding and ski patrollers foregoing their usual red or orange attire seem as commonplace as hurricanes in a snowstorm.Kimberly Nicoletti can be reached at (970) 668-3998, ext. 245, or at email@example.com.
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