The Breakdown: All chewed up " Michael Vick brought to justice
April 25, 2009
It’s been a while since Michael Vick had to trade in his No. 7 Falcons jersey for a blaze-orange jumpsuit with a much longer number on it. But, he’s set to be released from federal prison in early July, and will most likely be back on the gridiron in August.
But something about the whole judicial process in his case left me feeling unfulfilled. Sure, Vick’s gone from a multi-millionaire to being bankrupt, his image has taken an incredible hit and he missed a full season of football, but the question still loomed: When will the dozens of dogs tortured and killed by Bad Newz Kennels see justice? If only there were a way for these dogs, and dogs everywhere, to take out their frustration and anger in a productive way.
Thursday, I found my answer, and my own dog got his revenge.
About a week ago, I found a website for “The World Famous Vick Dog Chew Toy.” The “world famous” part might be a stretch, but there is definitely a company making a chew toy of Vick’s likeness. It’s about 6 inches tall, made of hard plastic, and you can choose between Vick in a black football uniform or in a Hamburgler-style prison suit. The best part? It was only $7.99!
I promptly ordered three of the jail-bird version.
It took about a week to be shipped to Summit County. So, I checked my mail religiously until, finally, Vick arrived on Thursday.
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It turns out the toy ” which the company calls “a symbol of awareness as to the travesties of dog fighting in the USA” ” is like the real Michael Vick in many ways.
First off, it looks remarkably like him, at least in a creepy, action-figure kind of way. His painted-on hair was in a nice mini-Afro, and he had his sinister goatee. He was even holding a football in his left hand.
That’s not all, though.
As a football player, Vick could do just about everything ” he was fast, agile, powerful, had hops and a cannon for a left arm. As a chew toy, it seemed Vick was just as versatile. The packaging for the 6-inch Vick advertises him as being “great for training, exercise and fun,” and he’s “non-toxic, fetchable, tough, durable and cleans teeth.” So, if you’re trying to compare Real Vick to Little Vick, I give the nod to the edible one. After all, Real Vick can’t help your dog’s dental hygiene.
After work Thursday, I raced home with Little Vick riding shotgun, contemplating the toy’s inevitable doom at the hands, er mouth, of my 2-year-old golden retriever Wrigley.
Just to put this in perspective, Wrigley goes through toys like a drunken David Hasselhoff goes through cheeseburgers; he just devours them.
So, you can imagine the moment of anticipation as I held Little Vick in the air as Wrigley sat at full attention, licking his chops only inches bellow.
Everything that followed was a blur. All I remember is Wrigley taking the toy gently from my hand, turning his back to me ” as he always does with any treat or toy ” then going to town on it.
Moments later, I checked Wrigley’s progress, and I could instantly tell my dog’s strategy for his revenge. He’d already lopped off both of Little Vick’s plastic feet, eliminating the thing that made the real athlete so famous. Then he took out his throwing arm, chewing it off and swallowing methodically.
When he noticed I was watching, Wrigley jumped up from his spot on the living room rug and hurried over to me, tail wagging and a disfigured Little Vick sticking out the side of his mouth.
Wrigley was proud. I was proud.
And as Wrigley dropped the toy in my lap, I knew that, after years of his fellow K-9’s suffering, my dog had his justice ” even if only symbolic.
Like it? Hate it? Have a better idea for a story? Let Bryce know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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