Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column flabberhoostled by the way people pronounce the names of the towns in which they live.
There are a lot of obvious names out there, like Willamette, in Oregon. Some people call it the WILL-a-met or Will-a-MET, but it’s supposed to be the Will-AM-et. And there’s Oregon. The locals pronounced it ORE-y-gun. The yokels pronounce it Ore-E-gon. Natives, just FYI, are Ore-y-GOAN-ians.
If you need more mangled names, you have to look no farther than Pennsylvania, the state that brings us such, uh, interesting town names as Intercourse, Bird-in-Hand and Blue Ball. We kid you not. Look it up.
There’s the Schuykill River. Based on that spelling, one might think that river’s name would be Shh-ooy-kill. Or Shoy-kill. But it’s SKOO-kill. Go figure.
A little closer to home, we have Limon, which, if you ask people outside the state of Colorado, should be pronounced Lee-MOAN. We think it’s Spanish for lemon. But we Americans have gone and mangled that one to LI-mun.
On that same Spanish note, there’s Sa-LI-duh, which should be Sa-LE-da. And Buena Vista (Bway-na VEE-sta), that we’ve mangled to Bue-nee or just BV. (The locals in BV once actually put a question on an election ballot regarding how their town should be pronounced. Go figure.)
Ouray. Do not get us started on Ouray. Even the locals, Ouranians, (can we print that?) don’t know how to pronounce it. You-ray, Ooh-ray, Oww-ray, Yur-ray – who knows?
There’s the town of Saguache, which is pronounced like the nearby mountains: Sah-WATCH. We like Sag-oo-A-chee, though.
And now, there’s Meern, the local pronunciation for Minturn. Just think highly intoxicated, and say Minturn. Meern.
Along those notes, you can call us SO-mit Oop.
We have here what everyone has been waiting for: How to get rid of those annoying telemarketing calls and junk mail. Granted, we pinched this material from Andy Rooney, but we think there are a lot of merit to these ideas and plan to include them in our daily routine.
TELEPHONE: Ring! Ring!
PHONE: May I speak with SO-mit Oop?
YOUR BRAIN: (Hmmm. They don’t know our name. They must be a telemarketer. Hmmm.)
YOU: Yeah, hold on. (Set the phone down and return to what you were doing before it rang: eating dinner, talking on the other line, enjoying conjugal relations, etc.)
PHONE: Dum-de-dum … where’d they go? Dum-de-dum …
YOU: Snicker, snicker!
PHONE: Dang! (Click) Beep-beep-beep!
YOU: Hang up the phone.
Or, you know those calls where no one’s on the other end? Hit your pound button repeatedly, and it messes up their info-bank server.
Regarding that annoying e-mail spam, Summit Up staffer No. 1 001 asks, “If you buy the Viagra, do they stop sending the e-mail?”
Sadly, we think not.
We don’t know about you, but we get a lot of mail from credit card companies whose stockholders are obviously a few ants shy of a picnic because they think we have good credit!
Haha! Usually, we laugh and toss these things in the recycle bin, because we know, from experience, what happens if you start using their preapproved credit cards. You start owing money to big companies in Texas, New York and Omaha!
But from now on, we’re going to return the application – without filling it out – and all the other ads that come with it back to the credit card companies. We plan to do the same with our legitimate mail (telephone bills with pizza coupons).
At the very least, we’ll return the empty, pre-postage-paid envelope.
Haha. One more reason we enjoy going to the post office.
We out, visiting Mont-ROSE. Or is it Mon-trose. We headed south.
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