Summit Up 1-11-11: It’s a Mr. Death or something, he’s come about the reaping?
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that has but one simple message for today: Run! We’re not sure where to, because there’s probably no place safe on a day like this.We’re talking, of course, about the date: 1-11-11. Surely this kind of numerological alignment portends grave consequences of some sort, be it some kind of Nostradamus-y prediction about the world blowing up or simply a way for your local pizzeria to advertise a special. (We’re No. 1 on 1-11-11!)Sure, we know we’ve joked about number concerns a lot in the past year, but this really does look like it could be the big one. Whatever that means. Again, we beg you, run! Maybe run to some place you don’t often go, like the laundromat or the bead store. That way, perhaps the Grim Reaper will miss you (he tends to show up at your home mostly, doesn’t he?).Have you ever wondered, BTW, what it’d be like to be employed as the Grim Reaper? It’d be kind of a bummer, sure, but also rather an interesting study in human nature to see how people react when you show up. How about when people resist, or shoot at you or throw rotting fruit at your face or beg you to just go the heck away?And is the Grim Reaper kinda like Santa, where he has “helpers” all over the place? It seems like it’d be a tough job for just one guy, what with people dying just about every day. We just looked online and came up with a number of about 155,000 people dying worldwide every day (it’s an epidemic!), which means if you’re just one Grim Reaper, you’ve really gotta hustle. You’d have to be more like the Perky Reaper or the Super Speedy Reaper or something like that. You can’t get up out of bed every day and manage those kinds of numbers if you’re going to be all grim about it. You would really have to reap your grim little ass off.On the other hand, your “clients” probably don’t want you showing up acting all happy, displeased though they may be to see you. So that means you need to be really fast and efficient while maintaining the proper grim and solemn demeanor. Not an easy thing to do!MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: So how many people are born every day?SU: Well, according to this data from 2006, it’s about 357,000 per day. But, of course, there’s not just one doctor or midwife out there assisting with all those births. (And if you’re an especially hard-core momma, you can skip the assist altogether and just crank ’em out yourself). Anyway, something to think about. Now where were we? Something about 1-11-11. It’d be a good day to be born, since no one would ever forget your whole birth day. If you’re a kid learning to write, it’d be a cinch to learn this one -just a bunch of straight lines.Of course, 1-11-11 isn’t quite as cool as this date in the year 1111 – nine hundred years ago. Then again, if you were alive back then over in, say, Europe, you were too busy rolling around in the mud and trying to rid your body of maggots and “demons” to worry much about the date. Plus, calendars were really expensive back then and almost no one ever knew what the actual date was.(We’re making all this up, of course. Everything we know about the Dark Ages is gleaned from watching Monty Python & the Holy Grail over and over again, and all the facts may not be entirely accurate.)Speaking of the Dark Ages, did folks know back then they were living in the Dark Ages? If so, what a bummer for them! It’d be hard to get up every day and say “OK, I’m off to the salt mines … in the Dark Ages.” Or, “Hey, I’m getting married this Saturday … in the Dark Ages.” It can really put a damper on things. And just think of the poor marketing people back then, trying to put a happy face on the latest armor or divining rod or jousting event when the whole Dark Ages pall was hanging over it all.***So we just came across a list of the 10 Best Jobs of 2011 at some website called http://www.careercast.com. “Grim Reaper” wasn’t on there, but there are some others that, while not quite as sexy, do appear to pay better. What you’re looking for is a job that pays well, has a decent hiring outlook, isn’t too stressful and has a nice work environment. Here’s the Top 10, for your career-planning pleasure:1. Software engineer2. Mathematician3. Actuary4. Statistician5. Computer systems analyst6. Meteorologist7. Biologist8. Historian9. Audiologist10. Dental hygienist11. Grim Reaper (bonus job we just added)Geez, we dunno – most of these jobs look pretty, um, boring other than maybe meteorologist, biologist and possibly historian (so long as there’s not too much Dark Ages stuff to do). But hey, a job’s a job, and in this economy, even being an actuary doesn’t sound so bad!We out.
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