Summit Up 1-21-13: Home of the fake print-sneeze
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that has the ah – the AHCHOO … flu.
In fact, we’re feeling so awful that we’re probably going to have to go home now and leave our adoring readers to wonder what brilliant prose might have filled the remainder of this microscopic space.
NOT-SO-ADORING READERS: Yeah, right. That was the fakest print sneeze we’ve ever read!
SUMMIT UP: Ok, Sherlock, you caught us. We don’t have the flu. Actually, daily columns don’t get the flu. It only infects the weaker weekly columns and the occassional poorly written news brief.
But, as hilarious as all our witty journalism banter may be, the flu this year is no laughing matter. We’re hearing there’s a particularly bad bout of it out there, and these days seems like everyone in the county’s infected. So remember wash your hands, drink lots of fluids and if you begin experiencing flu-like symptoms please, stay the hell away from us.
Folks, there are two kinds of people in this world: those who like creamy peanut butter and those lunatics out there who prefer crunchy. We’ve found there is just no middle ground on this and almost no one who can tolerate both. So now’s the time, peanut butter eaters of the world. Send us your arguments for your kind of peanut butter at summitup@summit
daily.com. Then we’ll see who’s really nuts.
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