Summit Up 1-27-11: Home of the malto-beefish meximelt
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s gearing up for Groundhog Day next Wednesday by L) dusting off our copy of that Bill Murray film for repeated viewings and 8A) heading off to the Denver Zoo to check out the prairie dogs.
Indeed, perhaps you didn’t know that prairie dogs have the same magical powers as groundhogs to predict the weather? Well, we didn’t either, but we got this press release from the Denver Zoo saying this:
“Denver Zoo prairie dog, Daisey, crawled out of her enclosure Wednesday and saw her shadow, which means guests can enjoy buy-one-get-one free admission at Denver Zoo this Sunday, January 30, for the zoo’s Prairie Dog Day celebration! Following the same weather predicting ‘logic’ of groundhogs, since Daisey saw her shadow, Denver is in for a longer winter. So come to Denver Zoo from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., enjoy the warmer weather while it lasts and learn a little about prairie dogs with half price admission and a fun-filled event!”
Weeeee! We may just have peed our pants with excitement over all this! And what’s the deal, we forget: If the critter sees its shadow it means six more weeks of winter or something? Of course, that’s all neither here nor there in Summit County, where we’re luck if winter is winding down by mid-May. But still …
It’s funny to think, isn’t it, that in some parts of the country folks spend lots of time shooting and poisoning prairie dogs, and here we are celebrating their very existence at the zoo! But wait, there’s more:
“The zoo will offer visitors the chance to get up-close with some of the zoo’s resident prairie dogs and other native creatures during live prairie animal demonstrations. Guests also can enjoy stories of the prairie and learn what other prairie saving projects the zoo and other organizations are undertaking.”
Did someone say “live prairie animal demonstrations?” We’re there!
BTW: The Zoo is off Colorado Boulevard up north there in the Dirty D. You can find out more at http://www.denverzoo.org.
Speaking of animals, has anyone been following this lawsuit concerning Taco Bell? It’s a class-action suit (meaning a bunch of people are suing the Bell) alleging that, since only about 35 percent of Taco Bell’s “beef” is, well, beef, that calling it “beef” constitute false advertising.
WTF?! We figured Taco Bell wasn’t exactly dishing out top-shelf Kobe beef or anything like that, but we figured it was, y’know, beef – as in 100 percent beef.
MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: WTF indeed! If it’s not all beef, then what the hell is it?
SU: Well, according to an AP story: “The lawsuit says that Taco Bell’s ‘seasoned beef’ contains other ingredients, including water, wheat oats, soy lecithin, maltodextrin, anti-dusting agent and modified corn starch.”
The lawsuit doesn’t seek monetary damages but asks that Taco Bell stop saying this bizarre amalgam of beef, anti-dusting agents and – who knows? – prairie dog livers? – is actually “beef,” per se.
BTW: The USDA’s Web site says “ground beef” or “chopped beef” should not contain more than 30 percent fat and should not contain water, phosphates, binders or extenders.
“We are asking that they stop saying that they are selling beef,” attorney Dee Miles said.
Which leaves the Bell in a bit of a pickle if they lose this suit: What to call, say, a “Beef Meximelt?” Here are a few suggestions for the Taco Bell brass:
>I Can’t Believe This Sh#@ Isn’t Beef! Meximelt
>The Beef-like Anti-dusting Meximeltish Thingy
>Meximelt with Beefish Healthy Oats!
>Soy Lecithin Yummy Melt Beefy Thang
>Totally Mod Corn Starch Beefily Melted Critter Belly Bomb Supreme!#@$%!!!
Got any more suggestions? Send ’em our way at email@example.com.
We guess we have to concede that, when you can drive up in your car and buy like 20 of these things with change found between the seats, you can’t expect them to be slaughtering fresh Wagyu cattle out back. But still – sheesh! We really feel taken because we have strict rules about eating breakfast foods only at breakfast, and had we known we were being surreptitiously served oatmeal last time we staggered into the Bell at midnight, well b’golly we’d’ve raised hell! (For about .05 seconds, and then we would have wolfed down the Malto-beefish Meximelt anyway – then asked for another).
Final thought on this: Why an “anti-dusting agent?” Is dust a problem in ground beef? Who knows …
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