Summit Up 1-5-10
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that feels like it’s in Montana today – or maybe Kazakhstan. Yep, wide open spaces to write all the gibberish we want. Not like some other days where we barely have enough room to swing a gerund phrase before we’re outta room.So anyway, we’re back in the saddle again, here in 2010, looking at a whole fresh batch of months ahead of us and wondering where it’ll all go. Maybe by this time next year, people will be reading newspapers with some kind of projectors that shoot out of your shirt buttons. Men and women will land on planets in distant galaxies and, when they get there, they will immediately start probing the natives in rude places in between making mysterious lights in the sky and mutilating alien cattle. Oh, and creating odd patterns in the alien crop fields.But probably not. We’ll probably still be stuck here on Earth, mutilating our own crops and trying to make it look like aliens. We’re not sure why. But, then, there are so many things we don’t understand.***Speaking of wackiness, we just got an e-mail from some folks at The Survival Center in McKenna, Wash., who are ready and waiting to take your order for stuff for when the going gets really weird. We always figured that, when the government collapsed and zombies roam the streets with escaped zoo animals and what have ya, we’d be in, like, beekeeper suits, coated with bear grease and wielding flare guns. What more would you need?Well, the folks at The Survival Center (www.survivalcenter.com) believe you need all kinds of other stuff. Such as:• Kerosene lamps (makes sense, if you can find kerosene)• Gold and silver coins (we’ll take those anyday, come to think of it!)• Grain mills• Generators• Emergency toilet supplies• Maps of potential earth changes & safe areas• Night vision & binocularsAnd, of course, lots of books and DVDs about the End Times, etc. We were particular interested in the “grain mills” entry, since for us what came immediately to mind for the post-apocalytpo days wasn’t, y’know, “grain mills.” But what do we know? It turns out that, if you’re hunkered down and armed, feral bands are patrolling the countryside, you’re gonna want one of these babies to make flour and, it appears, “nut butter.” There’s even a 20-year warranty, assuming you can still log onto a computer to contact the folks at The Survival Center to get your refund. (More than likely you’d just wind up beating yourself senseless with your broken grain mill as the chimp-androids infiltrate your redoubt.)Also of interest was this “Future Map of North America” by a guy named Gordon-Michael Scallions (n Green Onions), who tells of “survival areas” (such as Summit County, after we’ve blocked the passes and tunnel portals with old Dodge Darts) and “new islands that will rise off the East and West coasts of the U.S.”What the heck? Who is this guy, Lex Luthor? How would he know about new islands that are going to rise unless he already knows the diabolical plot to create them out of some odd alien super rock that grows like crazy when you mix it with water or tomato juice or something?Anway, the Future Map of North America is only $29.95 plus $5.50 S&H. Act now and receive your free “Alternate Globe,” which includes such highlights as “Africa with an Ice Cap” and “The Hanging Gardens of New Jersey.”***So, last week the good folks at A-Basin told us they’re replacing the old Expo lift with a new high-speed quad next summer. Very cool. Even cooler is that they’re taking suggestions about what to name the lift – and you could win a season pass if they pick your suggestion.We were just thinking back to some year in the 1990s when Copper replaced the old B and B1 lifts with the high-speed six-pack, and they got the name “Super Bee” in a contest. We never were that wild about that name, because we thought the bold choice would have been taking the one entry suggesting it be named “Unusual Plant Species of Eastern Europe.” Talk about a kick-butt name for your chairlift that no one would ever forget!We’re not sure what would be a good one for the new Basin lift. Why was it named “Exhibition” in the first place? Anyone know? E-mail us at email@example.com, and tell us what the heck “Lenawee” means while you’re at it. In the meantime, if you have a suggested real name for the new lift (and don’t use “Unusual Plant Species of Eastern Europe” – it’s kinda taken) e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.Well folks, we’re gonna have to take off now. All this talk of 2012 or whatever is giving us an ice-cream headache. Hope your 2010 is going well – and enjoy it: just two more years before we’re all hand-cranking nut-butter in a cave somewhere …We out.
Support Local Journalism
Support Local Journalism
As a Summit Daily News reader, you make our work possible.
Your donation will be used exclusively to support quality, local journalism.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.
User Legend: Moderator Trusted User