Summit Up 1-6-10: Concerned about the birds and the bees |

Summit Up 1-6-10: Concerned about the birds and the bees

by Summit Up
Rescue chief Christer Olofsson holds a dead bird in Falkoping Sweden Wednesday Jan. 5, 2010. Officials say about 50 birds have been found dead on a street in Falkoping Sweden. Veterinarian Robert ter Horst says the cause of jackdaws' deaths was unclear but that fireworks were set off near the scene Tuesday night. (AP Photo/Bjorn Larsson Rosvall) ** SWEDEN OUT **

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s pretty concerned about the birds and the bees – and we’re not talking about that conversation with Li’l Johnny about where his baby brother came from. First, we keep hearing about how the honeybee populations are plummeting all over the place, causing a lot of pollination worries (not to mention all those mournful bee relatives). Then, we hear birds are plummeting, dead, out of the sky in places like Arkansas and Lousiana and, now, Sweden.

Many theories about why the birds and the bees are in trouble have been put forth. For the bees, there’s some kind of mite that might be doing it, or a fungus, or maybe they’re just despondent over so many unfair caricatures over the years in movies and books. For the birds, everything from a harbinger of Armageddon to power lines to fireworks has been presented as a reson for the mass deaths.

But we think we know what’s going on with the birds in the south, at least. We’ve read about these giant pig farms that literally have lakes of poopy-pee next to them. Sometimes (and we are not fabricating this information), they run out of room in the lake and so they shoot the liquid poop up into the sky in massive geysers so the wind can carry it away. Nice, huh? Good ol’ American ingenuity. Anyway, we figger some birds were flying by when the poop geyser went off and that’s all she wrote.

What a way to go. On the other hand, karma can be tough, and birds are known for dropping poop in the other direction on unsuspecting mammals below.


“LUUUUCY! You’ve got some sailin’ to do!”

There it is: the most obnoxious press release headline we’ve seen all year. Granted we’re only a few days in, but … Anyway, the press release continues:

“I LOVE LUCY fans of all ages will have the unique opportunity to celebrate America’s Favorite Redhead and the legendary sitcom’s sixtieth anniversary with a luxury cruise vacation. The 7 night “I LOVE LUCY DIAMOND JUBILEE CRUISE” aboard Royal Caribbean’s Oasis of the Sea sets sail for the western Caribbean from Ft. Lauderdale, FL on October 15, 2011 – 60 years to the day that I LOVE LUCY made its broadcast television debut. Ports of call include Falmouth, Jamaica, Cozumel, Mexico, and Royal Caribbean’s private beach in Labadee, Haiti.

“Joining guests aboard ship will be some of the world’s most renowned LUCY experts, including personal friends and confidants of Lucille Ball.  Scheduled entertainment includes live stage productions, a celebratory * ‘Night at the Tropicana’, complete with 5-piece conga band, and daily appearances by ‘Lucy’ and ‘Ricky’, in the form of actors and ‘official’ Lucy and Ricky impersonators, Suzanne LaRusch and Adrian Israel. 

“Other scheduled activities include games and contests involving I LOVE LUCY trivia, character look-alikes, cabin door decoration, and much more. Fans will also get to see first hand classic I LOVE LUCY memorabilia, including actual items used on the set and in filming of episodes.”

Wow, what can we say? Granted, we’re old enough to have watched a few episodes of I Love Lucy when we were kids, but who, in 2011, could possibly be so into this ancient sitcom as to go on a whole themed cruise like this?

And by the way, when you go on most of these big cruise ships, be aware that they just dump all the sewage in the ocean as they go, so basically you end up being complicit in a poop crime tantamount to the pig-poop geysers and the birds-from-above poop attackes – at least as far as the ocean ecosystem is concerned.

Thinks we’re kidding? This from the Oceana website:

“Cruise ships generate an astonishing amount of pollution: up to 25,000 gallons of sewage from toilets and 143,000 gallons of sewage from sinks, galleys and showers each day.

“Currently, lax state and federal laws allow cruise ships to dump untreated sewage from toilets once the ships are three miles from shore.”

Nice. Think about that next time you push off from the buffet on the Aloha Deck and head to the head aboard the SS All-You-Can-Eat.

On that pleasant note, we’ve gotta run. We hear birds are dying in Heeney and we want to get out there with some nets to catch them.

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