Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that learned a new vocabulary at the bluegrass festival in Telluride.
Like any event, music festivals involve their own vernacular. And in many cases, one must know that vernacular to have a good time or, at least, find the bathroom.
We noted all these new terms and came up with a glossary ” parts of which are printed below ” to help folks hoping to venture into the music festival world for the first time.
FESTIVARIAN ” (n) A person who attends festivals, usually distinguished in the public by their unique tan lines, ratted hair and backpack woven from hemp. The festivarian didn’t shower.
LAND GRAB ” (n) An early-morning activity where festivarians find spots to watch the music and mark them with tarps. This usually involves long waits in line by an ambitious festivarian, which only exist in areas outside of Hangoverville. We left Hangoverville late for the land grab and ended up sitting behind Gilbert Gottfried.
BAG CHECK ” (n) A place responsible for keeping contraband and illegal substances out of the venue. (v) The act of pretending to look into a backpack, zipping up the backpack, and wishing the Festivarian a good day.
The people at the bag check petted their seeing-eye dogs.
TARP DUTY ” (n) The job of keeping the tarp from blowing away or from being overwhelmed by festivarians who missed the land grab. I brought an army of knights to help me fend off the festivarians.
JAM ” (n) When two or more musicians from different bands collaborate ” often spontaneously ” on a piece of music. (v) To rock with improvisational flair. (adj.) A type of music or band who rocks with improvisational flair. Bela Fleck and Sam Bush jam every Tuesday.
SHUTTLE ” (n) The vehicle of choice for most festivarians, usually similar in appearance to a school bus. (v) To be taken to or from the festival. The line for the shuttle ruined my buzz, man.
If you have more, please share them with us in an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org, on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 257 or fax us at (970) 668-0755.
We received a nasty Scum Alert! Scum Alert! last week.
“I was walking my dog at Walter Byron Park yesterday, and I saw a teenage boy throwing big rocks at the baby geese that are at the pond for the summer,” our discouraged reader wrote. “They are still really little, and I think he may have hit one. And there were two teenage girls cheering him on.”
Because a pun is a pun is a pun, we hope the geese know how to duck.
Negative karma points for the geese-abusers, and a few for us for that bad joke.
“Good afternoon!” writes Jim Oberriter. (We only include exclamation points when it’s for a cause.)
“I’m planning on riding in the upcoming Courage Classic and am still looking for some help with sponsors.
I’ve already gotten the time off from work and can cover the entry fee but could really use some help with the $250 required donation to Children’s Hospital.
“It would be ‘wicked nice’ if someone wanted to contribute. Any chance I could get a mention in the paper?
I can be reached at (970) 418-6941 if anyone has questions or would like to make a donation. Many thanks.”
Hopefully this helps. Karma points are headed your way already.
It’s Wednesday, and we’re out prepping our boat for all that water that’s going to be rushing down the Blue.
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