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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column teaching proper etiquette when it comes to dating and age.It all started on a wild Wednesday (we won’t point out Wednesday’s Hump Day – oops, too late; we have no internal editor), when Staffer No. 23 started talking about setting up his sister with Stellar Intern No. 3. (Notice, it’s hard to be a stellar intern in Summit Up Land – we’ve only had about three – because not only do they have to write well, but they also have to put up with plastic peace necklaces dangling over their heads. See, the intern’s desk is right next to our crazy peace plant. No, it’s not some hippie-throwback pot plant; it’s a hanging basket of green shoots that looked bare and neglected until we took the peace-symbol necklaces our Corporate Sweet Lady sent to liven us up (as if we needed livening up) – or possibly mellow us out – and adorned our plant with them.)Anyway, Staffer No. 23’s sister is in her mid-30s, and our stellar intern is a mere 22. And a few of us thought the age difference could be a stretch. Which led us to calculate the age-appropriate dating formula.To find out how young of a hottie you can date, take your age, divide by 2 and add 10. (If you need a math tutor to find the answer, we’re here to help; just call us.) So, let’s say our staffer’s sister is 36 (any woman older than 30 should not have to disclose her age publicly, so we’re talking hypothetically here). That means she can date someone who’s 28 or older, which pretty much leaves our young intern in the dust, with the peace plant.Staffer No. 23 was a little disgruntled with our formula, because he’s 23, which, rounded to 24, means he can’t date anyone younger than 22. The thing is, the formula gets more forgiving as you age, allowing for all of those mid-life crisis people to dip into a lower age bracket to make themselves feel sexier and younger. After all, 50-year-olds can date 35-year-olds.We’re pretty sure the formula changes from state to state. In Colorado, it’s half plus 10, but in Southern states, we’re pretty sure it’s half plus four, which would allow a 24-year-old to make sure any girl turning Sweet 16 has indeed been kissed.Speaking of Sweet 16 and never been kissed, have you ever heard anything so vulgar? What 16-year-old wants to sit around a glowing birthday cake with an entire Irish-Catholic-over-populated family while they speculate the extent of your sexual experience? It’s worse than having the big sex talk – at least birthday cake and a house full of people aren’t involved in that one.It’s the day after Labor Day, so we’re laboring away. Give us a call to make our workday even more fun!

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