Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column amazed at the properties of the frozen banana.Some of our roommates, in the past, have opened up the freezer and then, upon seeing the frozen bananas, screamed in horror. After they threw them away, we had to explain why we feel the need to keep frozen bananas.We don’t feel like we’re alone here. And it’s understandable why they get such a vociferous reaction.The bananas, well, they don’t look good. In fact, they look downright nasty. The skin turns a dark, rotten brown. The bananas – known at room temperature for being mushy – become hard weapons to throw at a burglar, or something. But they are so much more, and old bananas are good for many things, we promise. But we won’t go on and on. We’ll just make a list of all the things frozen bananas are good for.$) Bread – Thaw them out and use them for your banana bread recipes. Trust us, the chunks will be gone, but the flavor will be there. *) Smoothies – See “Bread” for details.#) Pudding – Banana pudding tastes much better with old, frozen bananas. Trust us.
^) Grossing out the roommates – We already explained this one.That’s all we could come up with. But while we were compiling the list, we also wondered a few things. What other fruits or vegetables keep their flavor but lose their looks in such a horrible manner? Should there be a recipe book for something like this? Could we call it, “The Ugliest Ingredients”? Or, should it also be a fairy tale, where the frozen banana is thrown out of the village of peas, corn and ice cream, only to return to the kitchen as an illustration of sweet-smelling glory?If you know of good recipes that are enhanced by frozen bananas, or any other vegetable or fruit, send us an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t call us and leave a voicemail. We don’t think cookbooks were ever popular in the “Books on Tape” series.***Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. We have our favorites, especially “Frisbeetarianism.”And the winners are:• Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
• Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.• Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.• Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.• Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.• Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.• Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.• Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.• Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
• Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.• Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.• Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.• Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.• Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.• Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.• Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.***It’s Tuesday, our latest novel is “The Vanishing People.” We’re out.
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