Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that has, quite literally, gone to the dogs.Over here at the Corporate Suites, we have a canine collection to rival any kennel. Our daily newshounds include Scrapper, Scout, Pancho, Kaya and Mocha, a wiener dog who works upstairs in graphics and comes down to the newsroom sometimes to show off her Scooby Snacks.Scout the golden retriever is one of our daily dogs here. He has a charming trait that sometimes backfires. He smiles. But in order to do so, he bares his upper teeth in a horrifying grimace reminiscent of Cujo. It’s like he learned it wrong when he was a puppy.When you get to know him, you welcome it as a greeting. But he scared the bejeezus out of our new intern the other day, coming at him like that. The best part is, when he’s really happy to see you, he raises his upper lip back so far that he gives himself a sneezing fit. We always stop whatever we’re doing to watch this. (Never mind Breaking News. We’re only human.)
Kaya the keeshond is one of our latest additions. She stands in the middle of the newsroom all day staring at us in a bright, expectant trance, as if she were trying to decide exactly what she wants. It gives us the feeling that, in her eyes, we’re not quite up to scratch (which is a pretty fair assessment).Our Corporate Suites Dogs are well-spoken, well-behaved and know when we’re busy. But they also know that the highlight of our workday is the Official Entrance of the Dogs, which they make with all the intensity of a K-9 Rescue and Recovery Squad – “C’mon, men, we’re going in!”ENTRANCE OF CORPORATE SUITES DOGS: CRASH! Commotion in hallway, signaling the arrival of three Corporate Suites Dogs, one with teeth bared in a horrifying grimace.Summit Daily Reporter: Good morning, sweetie! Corporate Suites Dog: RAAAAR! (Translation: “Yes, I will accept your offering of half a Swiss cheese bagel. And by the way, your makeup always tastes delicious.”)Summit Daily Reporter: Give me a kiss, baby!Corporate Suites Dog: WUUUH! (Translation: “No cream cheese today? You on a diet, or something?”)Summit Daily Reporter: Good boy! I’ve gotta finish this article now…
Corporate Suites Dog: RAUFF! SMILE – SNEEZE! (Translation: “Does this actually mean that the bagels are definitely gone?”)Summit Daily Reporter: “Go lie down, sweetie. I’ll play with you after I finish this…”Corporate Suites Dog: RAAAR! (Translation: “I will come back later, when, perhaps, you will have some more bagels for me. And lemme at that lipstick again.”) TAIL THUMP! – which dislodges huge pinned-up zoning map of Summit County from the wall, signaling departure of Corporate Suites Dogs. The result is that the Summit Daily Reporter always leaves the Corporate Suites sans lipstick, covered in thick lashings of retriever drool.But it’s a good thing.***
We judged the Summit High School Homecoming parade yesterday afternoon, and never in our life have we seen so much bribery and corruption. Apparently, it’s a tradition for the youthful sponsors of the floats to coerce the judges with blatant offerings of comestibles. We enjoyed them immensely. However, we have prepared the following statement, in order to protect our heretofore spotless reputations (and to insure that we’ll get asked to judge again next year): “The four judges of Friday’s Homecoming parade have all officially maintained that their honor and objectivity were not impaired by the bevy of bribes that came their way throughout the parade – although the junior class’ creative audacity in publicly bringing REAL A&W root beer floats to the four adjudicators was MUCH appreciated.P.S. Thanks for the Kit Kat bars, eighth graders!”***If you have any favorite signs, shaggy dog stories, or stories of bribery and corruption at past Homecoming parades, send us an e-mail at email@example.com or leave us a message at (970) 668-3998 ext. 257.Other than that, we out …
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