Summit Up 11-15-09
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column well into planning our Thanksgiving Day soiree.
We’re hoping to get some extra kicks this holiday with one of those dangerous turkey fryers the media always warn you about this time of year.
Horrific explosions of frozen turkeys, house fires and permanent disfigurements can result from this cooking practice.
None of our immediate friends or family have used a turkey fryer, so we’ll be the pioneers – or space monkeys, if you will – in high country deep fried turkey.
If this works well, you may soon be reading about fowl play involving deep fried dove, duck or even swan.
So our inspiration to deep fry a turkey was seeded by an e-mail from an insurance company.
And yeah, we ganked the foul-play-on words from their message.
The standard tips were included: keep the fryer on a flat surface away from children and pets, use well-insulated pot holders and keep a fire extinguisher nearby, among others.
Ever the inquisitive journalists, we took a gander at what we could Google regarding the greasy grub.
The Sacramento Bee said turkey frying is best performed by a sober chef.
The Bakersfield Californian told of how a small amount of water poured into a turkey boiler could cause 15 foot flames to shoot into the air.
Most everyone emphasized the important of thawing your turkey about 24 hours and not using stuffing.
Yeah, no stuffing. There darn well better be some quantifiable compensation in the flavor department if we don’t get to cram spices, bread, eggs and herbs up our turkey’s cavity.
They say marination is OK and butter injection was encouraged in some cases.
With outdoor frying strongly encouraged, we’re hoping we don’t make ours on a snow day.
If frozen turkeys and small amounts of water falling into the oil cause explosions, an onslaught of snowflakes may be the recipe for calamity.
Perhaps we could assemble a turkey tarp to protect the cooking meat.
It’s a shame we don’t have a better track record with whole poultry.
Last Christmas we smoked out our apartment trying to cook a not-quite-all-the-way-thawed duck in the oven.
Despite repeated spins in the microwave, the sucker just wouldn’t thaw out all the way.
With watery eyes and choking lungs, we canned the duck and made nachos instead.
In other news, we’d like to relate some energy cost-saving tips we formulated this week after our cool stuff spoiled and our warm home cooled.
With everyone trying to pack on a few extra pounds to keep warm this winter, our refrigerator has exceeded its recommended capacity.
The doors on both the refrigerating and freezing compartments have been discovered ajar many a morning, and we recently took a couple gulps of some extra sour milk that was no longer whole.
We rolled out the duct tape and affixed either end of a segment to the door and compartment, neatly folding it on one end to make a handle.
The windows in this old house don’t seal worth anything, so we also got out the duct tape and covered every edge or corner where the cold winter air might could seep through.
The crummy leather laces of our house moccasins kept coming untied and guess what solved the problem: a couple wads of duct tape.
Our roommate woke us up six mornings and three nights over the past couple weeks. Duct tape was not part of the resolution.
But we suppose that under the right circumstances, one might see fit to find a suitable application.
It’s Sunday and we’re shopping for a turkey fryer; if we can’t find one, we may just whip up something with a pail and duct tape.
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