Summit Up 11-17-10: Now with scratch-n-sniff feedlot smell!
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that can’t say for sure where our paper was printed last night. Tuesday’s paper was printed at the Steamboat Today newspaper, and we think we heard maybe the Greeley Tribune was going to print today’s. (If you’d like to check for sure, simply take a whiff of the page and if is smells vaguely like a feedlot, then you know it came from Greeley.) (If anyone in the pressroom at the Trib happens to read this, we apologize for the gratuitous, shooting-fish-in-a-barrel Greeley smell joke. We truly cannot help ourselves.)Yep, our faithful press blew up on Sunday, right in the middle of the Broncos game. Our poor press guy Doug Barton, who’d been waiting for some time to see a Broncos game that didn’t involve shame and embarrassment, was celebrating with some adult beverages when the guys at the pressroom called to say: “Uh, boss, sorry to interrupt the game but press no-worky!”In the old days, when we had the old “widow maker” press here in Frisco, Doug would go out and bang on some things with a crescent wrench and it’d get going. But our press in Gypsum is a lot fancier and it does not respond to such brute ministrations. You have to call in the computer guys and the electrical engineers. They were fussing over it all day Tuesday but still no dice. Hopefully we’ll be back printing at our usual place in Gypsum by tomorrow, but if the paper is some weird size or printed entirely in red or something, then you know why.***So we were reading about this poor girl in Great Britain about to become a princess wondering if she’s having any second thoughts. We know that, in fairy tales, marrying a prince was just about the best thing imaginable, but most of those fairy tales were written before the modern British media, which chews up and spits out the royals on a daily basis. Anyway, we wish the best to Prince William and his bride-to-be Kate Middleton – both lovely young people. But just to give you a taste of what your life will look like rendered in 72-point type in the British tabloids:-SPUNKY KATE WALLOPS WILLIAM DURING DRUNKEN BRAWL!-KATE: I’D RATHER ADOPT A MONKEY THAN HAVE PRINCE WILLIAM’S BABY!-WILLIAM THROWS KATE OUT ON HER EAR, VOWS ‘REVENGE’-WEDDING CALLED OFF AS QUEEN MOTHER COMPARES KATE TO DIAll of which, in reality, translates into Kate tapping William on the shoulder at a polo game to tell him something; the couple visiting a zoo and admiring the primates exhibit; William waving goodbye to Kate as she goes out shopping; and the Queen Mother talking about whether to dye the linens at the wedding to match Kate’s dress.See how things can get blow out of proportion? We in the American media would NEVER do anything like this!***Folks, if you’re not calling in sick and skiing on this fine powder day morning, you don’t deserve to be called a Summit County-ite. Go get it! We out.
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