Summit Up 11-2-10: Brought to you by the chancellor of the exchequeur |

Summit Up 11-2-10: Brought to you by the chancellor of the exchequeur

by The Right Honourable George Osborn, MP, Chancellor of the Exchequeur
Special to the Daily

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that welcomes everyone to ‘Lection Day! Yes, you may have heard that Scoundrel A is facing Scoundrel B in this here midterm dealio, and that if you vote for one or t’other our world as we know it will end in a cataclysm of awfulness, the likes of which haven’t been seen since Raymond Scum was elected chancellor of the exchequeur in New Brimblebury and later went on to abscond with every red shilling in said province, which he then used to fund an organization the sole purpose of which was to evict widows and orphans and beat puppies.

It was that bad.

But, of course, Summit Up is your Happy Page, the place where you go to get away from ads featuring Raymond Scum going on about how Lilly Sleazebucket did this or that X years ago and is therefore a subhuman species not fit to lick the algae off the side of a fish tank, much less run the office of the chancellor of the exchequeur.

(That’s our favorite bureacratic title, BTW, and we’re always sorry to live in a country that doesn’t have said post. Our second favorite title is charges

d’affaires, and we do have those, we believe, in the US State Department. You get that title when you’re temporarily filling in for the ambassador dude, who comes back after whatever he was doing slightly embittered that he’s only an ambassador while his replacement had this cool, awesome title of charges d’affaires.)

The chancellor of the exchequeur in the United Kingdrom, BTW, is basically the same things as the US Secretary of the Treasury, only with a cooler name. We think.

MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: Who’s the current chancellor of the exchequeur, we wonder?

SU: That’d be The Right Honourable George Osborn, also a

Minister of Parliament – which is sorta like being a congressman.

MSUR: So what, he got elected or something and moved up from his old job as a small appliance repairman?

SU: Not quite. Sez here on Wikipedia that Osborne is part of the old Anglo-Irish aristocracy, known in Ireland as the Ascendancy. He is the heir to the Osborne baronetcy (of Ballentaylor, in County Tipperary, and Ballylemon, in County Waterford).

A blue blood, if you will, and one with a great pick-up line: “Hey baby. I’m a Leo, a conservative MP and I dig waterskiing. Oh, and also I’m a member of the Ascendancy. Can I buy you a vodka and Red Bull?

Now that you know all about George Osborne, we can move on.


So if you haven’t already, we must entreat ya’ll to get out there and VOTE!

MSUR: Uh, we forgot to register! We’re too tired to go to the polls! We have a bunion! Rickets! Scurvy!

SU: Losers!

MSUR: Sorry.

SU: No excuses. Get out there and vote. And if you truly haven’t registered, hang your head in shame and flaggelate yourself with a sturdy piece of al dente linguini.

Voting’s important, so make some time and go do it! We out.

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