Summit Up 11-21-10
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that seriously needs a vacation. We’ve never had one! You’ve heard the phrase ‘the news never sleeps,’ right? Well, it never takes a week off and hops a plane to Cabo, either. But maybe it’s time we did.
We know, we know, all you millions of Summit Up readers count
on us for your daily dose of brilliant wit and sardonic prose, not to mention topics for watercooler conversations. And for hundreds of years, we’ve been there for you, every day without fail. We’re like the good cop on that one crime drama who worked so much his wife left him, his kids won’t talk to him and who now has no one but his goldfish, Freckles, who also thinks he’s kind of a jerk because he A) forgot to feed him this morning, again and B) picked a name as stupid as Freckles. We’re that guy. We get home, unholster our gun, heave a great sigh pregnant with the burden of our sacrifices for the important job we do, gaze around at the photographs filling our empty house as a melodramatic tune starts up in the background and think, “We seriously need a vacation.”
MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP
So, dear MSUR, you’re just going to have to figure out how to get along without us for a week or so, because, it’s almost Thanksgiving and for the first time in recorded history, we’re taking a vacation. And we’re going to make it a good one, since it’ll probably be a 100 more years before we get another one. None of this long-weekend-in-
Wisconsin-to-visit-our-sister-in-law-who’s-house-smells-like-onions crap. We’re talking a legit vacation.
Maybe we’ll take a ‘holiday’ in the UK, go see Big Ben and drink some tea with the queen. But, then again, British people have that incomprehensible accent. We’re not sure we could handle a whole week of people directing us to the “loo” and calling us “Guv’na!” Plus we’re allergic to tea.
Oh, we know! We’ll go on a cruise and get some sun. We’ve always wanted to play mini-golf in the middle of an ocean or other large body of water. Oh, but then there’s the water part. We don’t swim so good and we heard sharks have developed a taste for witty columnists. Plus, these days a cruise might not necessarily be a fantasy vacation.
We’ve got it! The perfect getaway!
A destination ski vacation, tearing up fresh powder and enjoying some of the finest dining and lodging accommodations in the Western Hemisphere!
MSUR: Look out the window.
(We look out the window.)
SUMMIT UP: Oh, right.
You know what? Forget the planning! We’re just going to go withdraw all the money from our bank account, go to the airport and get on a plane to the first place that sounds fun. Who knows where we’ll end up! Mr. Bank teller, we’d like all the money in our bank account so we can go on vacation, please.
Bank teller: There is absolutely no money in your bank account.
SU: Fine, forget the vacation. But we are leaving early today! We’ll just go home and spend some quality time with Freckles. We out.
And last but certainly not least, a few of our SU staffers went over to Keystone on Friday to enjoy the opening of the Outback. We were certainly not disappointed as we spent a solid
3-4 hours cruising through freshies from top to bottom. Here’s a shout out to the peeps over at the ‘Stone. Thanks for the good times. Here’s to many more this season.
It’s Sunday, we out praying for more snow. Ullr, Ullr, Ullr!.
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