Summit Up 11-25-10: Fresh out of Thanksgiving jokes
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that urges you this Thanksgiving Day morning to take a deep breath, some purging sneezes perhaps and contemplate the massive intake of calories you’re preparing to inhale. Do you really want to do it, or should you just settle for some watercress sandwiches and green tea? Then, you can hit the hill and laugh as all the fatties sit home watching meaningless football games and arguing with their relatives.
We just, of course. Go nuts with the calories, but we urge you to go out and ski beforehand (unless you’re a slave in the kitchen, like so many, or have to work, like the rest of us). If you can, though, skiing on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day and New Year’s Day is just the best: no lines, nice and quiet and – at least this year – great conditions.
We’re a little annoyed with ourselves for using up all our Thanksgiving material over the past week. What else is there to joke about on this holiest of poultry consumption days?
MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: Did you talk about eggnog?
SU: Of course. Ad nauseum.
MSUR: The travails of cooking a turkey when your culinary acumen generally doesn’t extend beyond heating up a Hot Pocket?
SU: Been there.
MSUR: Pilgrim jokes?
SU: Done that. Well, we mentioned Miles Standish at one point anyway. In our view, any Pilgrim joke that doesn’t include a Miles Standish mention just isn’t worth the bother.
MSUR: How about yams and sweet potatoes and the difference between the two?
MSUR: Did you make the Quick-E-Mart joke about how the best you can do is a microwave burrito for Thanksgiving?
MSUR: Well then there’s nothing left for it than to move onto writing about Christmas.
SU: Noooooooooooo! We’d rather talk about Black Friday, when crazy people get up and go shopping at 3 in the morning so they can save a buck or two on electronic crap they probably don’t even need. But man, this stuff keeps getting cheaper and cheaper. Did you know you can buy a 100-inch flat-screen TV nowadays for, like, a buck? Computers are now good for stocking stuffers, and non-iPod MP3 players can be purchased by the gross for distribution among the aforementioned arguing relatives (it will soothe them for up to 10 minutes, until they realize it’s not compatible with whatever deal they already have and then they start arguing about who’s going to start chipping the baked-on sklarge off the Thanksgiving dishes).
But seriously, folks, we hope you have a fantabulous Turkey Day. All of your friends here at Summit Up wish you the very best for the holiday season. Be safe, be happy and if a relative wants to argue, just let it go … let it go!
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