Summit Up 11-30-10: Where making fun of the Broncos is a way of life |

Summit Up 11-30-10: Where making fun of the Broncos is a way of life

by Summit Up
Summit Daily/Mark Fox

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that welcomes you to the last day of November with a hearty cheer (that’s December), a wimpy groan (November on its way out) and a baby-like mewling (that’s 2011 off in the not-too-distant future, just waiting to assert itself). November 30 already – seems like we were just doing the Fourth of July.Or maybe not.***We get random e-mails we don’t always entirely understand. Often, they’re from a guy named Ric, who writes thusly:”I was in need of immediate and major intervention so I called my buddy Roy. ‘Help’ I squeaked, ‘the Broncos are killing me, I’m gonna go to Jared The Galleria of Jewelery and maybe to Le Bon Peep after and get some quiche.’ Calmly Roy replied: ‘It’s OK, it’ll be okay, just get in the car and come over here, get right over here.’ ‘I’m naked and covered with Oil of Olay!’ I cried. Roy, ever calming, said: ‘Just get over here, I’ll wrap you in the dog’s blanket. I’ve got bowling and a cricket match on TV, we’ll calm you down with some Tetris then we’ll kill zombies, get a pizza and watch Family Guy. You’ll be OK. Promise!'”Man, that was close. That Roy is a buddy. I’ve got to get a sheet on and get over there; I think I feel better already.”See what we mean? Although if the gist of this is that the Broncos drive Ric crazy, we can certainly sympathize with that. On the other hand, one must always attempt to take life’s lemons and make lemonade. What we do with the Broncos-watching posse we chill with every Sunday is think of new ways to crack jokes about “The Mighty Orty” or the Broncos “dominating running game” or deploy our new nicknames for Coach McDaniels, which range from, simply, “The Cheater” to “The Scott McInnis of the NFL” (see last summer’s Republican primary for reference).Watching the Broncos nowadays, fans are inured to some of the boneheaded play calling, the fizzled drives, the ignominious turnovers and the dejected looks on the faces of the players and fans alike (those fans still in the stands, that is, after the half). So when the running back coughs up the ball directly into the arms of the defender, we don’t despair. We just say “This is what the Broncos do. It’s what they’re good at.” Which is to say they’re good at making other teams look good. The Rams, we learned, hadn’t won a game on the road since, like, the Eisenhower years, but in the warm, welcoming environs of Mile High, why, they looked like the Super Bowl era Broncos. It’s like there’s this amazing Force over Mile HIgh these days that turns bad teams like, say, the Raiders into dominating powerhouses.It’s kinda weird, and it’s transformed our Sunday football watching into a riotous series of jokes, groans and side conversations. Why, just yesterday we found ourselves in a heated argument over the differences between embroidery, macrame and crewel work when we should have been cheering on the Donks.Oh well – there’s always next season. Or maybe the season after that. Or, OK, maybe the 2018 season, by which time they should have things all cleared up, right?***We’ve just been informed by our sports editor to lay off the sporty writing in Summit Up – and especially Broncos bashing, since he really likes that stuff – so we turn now to thoughts of Cyber Monday, which was yesterday. Did you buy any crap online? We didn’t, for one because we have no money and for two because we never want to be part of any herd. That’s why on Cyber Monday we were down at the stores looking for our Black Friday deals, just to show everyone how maverick-y we are. Needless to say, the clerks told us to buzz off, that we should have been there at 4 a.m. Friday if we wanted the Stadium Sized Plasma TV for $59 or the “Collection of Chinese Sweaters” for 17 cents.Damn. And here our Chinese sweaters are all falling apart. We could really use some new ones. And what about plasma TVs anyway? It sounds so cool, but we heard they don’t work well at altitude (that is, unless you add an extra 3 tablespoons of flour, a little more water and bake 10 minutes longer). Anyone know why plasma TVs don’t work up here or if that’s even true? E-mail us at if you know (or even if you don’t and are just making stuff up. Actually, we prefer that).***So, what do you think of the New & Improved Look of the Summit Daily? We’ve been working on this for some time and finally remembered we actually needed to “launch” our new look. Along with your made-up explanation of plasma TVs at altitude, let us know what you think about our redesign as well. Is there something we missed? Something not working at this altitude? (We can tell you as we build this thing with all these fancy new fonts and stuff that little springs and plumes of smoke are coming out of our computer, and there’s an editor out there running around yelling things in Farsi, but we think it’ll all come out in the wash. In fact, if you’re reading this in our print edition, you can pretty much assume that it did, indeed, come out in the wash.)Well, folks, gotta run. Have fun, eat your greens, do the right thing.

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