December 4, 2005
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column seeking a seriously needed remedy for all of our aches and pains.We’re not talking about the we’re-getting-old-everything-hurts aches and pains, but the we-just-had-two-amazing-days-in-the-best-snow-we’ve-seen-in-Colorado aches and pains. In other words, the best kind you can have.This year, our normal early season soreness has been compounded by a bright idea we had to take on a new winter sport – telemark skiing. Despite our previous experiences with alpine skiing, in which we felt like Bambi when he’s first born, his rail-thin legs quivering before they finally give out, sending the young buck flat onto his belly, we thought we’d have better luck freeing our heels.After a couple weeks of reading up on tips and watching beginner videos on the internet, we were pretty sure we were ready to take our lack of skills to the snow.
Just remember: pizza slice, french fries, we told ourselves, remembering the advice our ski instructor roommate gave if we got into a pickle on the slopes.We called on Summit Up staffer No. 44, who’s been telemark skiing for a bajillion years, to give us some guidance. We’re pretty sure our good-intentioned and willing volunteer had no idea what he was getting himself into.Standing up on those slippery sticks of pain was bad enough, then we were supposed to turn and drop our knee! Back to emulating Bambi.Twenty minutes later, after tumbling head-over-skis down about one-quarter of the hill, we were feeling pretty hopeless and were sure our mentor was having some serious second thoughts about taking newcomers under his wing.But, he encouraged us to spit out that mouthful of snow, pull ourselves out of the fetal position and inch down another section of slope, braving a tele turn only when we felt comfortable.Wouldn’t you know it, by the end of the run, which took about a full hour to descend, we realized were weren’t bleeding and no bones were protruding our skin, and thought, “Maybe this learning curve won’t be so bad, after all.”
Needless to say, after such an experience, we’re sore in places we never thought we could be sore, including our wrists (how in the world do wrists get sore??). If anyone else out there in Summit Up Land is going through similar learning pains, please pass along some tips. Actually we don’t even need tips, we just need to know there are others out there feeling as silly and uncoordinated as we are.***We couldn’t let this little tidbit of news pass us by without letting our loyal readers in on the absurdity.We’re sure you’ve all heard of the 57-year-old guy who is suing Home Depot because his backside allegedly became glued to a toilet seat in a store near Boulder two years ago.
The guy has filed suit against the home improvement store for negligence saying the episode – supposedly he was stuck in the stall for 20 minutes with his pants down – has caused post-traumatic stress syndrome, triggering diabetes and heart complications.As if the story itself isn’t ridiculous enough (who exactly does that kind of duty in a Home Depot bathroom anyway?), now some guy in California has started a website, called gotglued.com, paying homage to the man with the chapped hide. The site provides a forum for people to share their most embarrassing moments, which the creator hopes to compile into a book someday. It also asks for donations to help the man into his battle against the big-box.What will they think of next?***We’re outta here, soaking in the hot tub trying to stop the muscle spasms in our calves. Send us your stories from the weekend full of freshies to firstname.lastname@example.org or call 668-3998, ext. 13600.