December 19, 2005
Good day and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wishing erasers worked on cavities. We were sitting at our desk today duking it out with the various forms of typos and stylistic snafus, when our tongue crept upon something mushy and green between a canine and a molar. Mmm … yesterday’s baby romaine salad, though no hint of its Goddess dressing remains.Well, we extracted the bland mulch with our extra long, ring-finger nail (kept long and feminine for guitar-volume enhancement) and scraped along the canine’s ever-receding gumline. Which brings up another wonder: Do they have homo sapiens-pattern gumlessness? By “they” we of course mean the world’s hordes of methodically minded laboratory reporters, who always seem capable of putting a bunch of symbols and jargon to how things happen, though we still have sore teeth.
We digress. Back to the loud “Ouch!” and then a customary “What the Fullbright?!” A cavity? In our extravagant mouth?No.
Not after the swearing off of tooth-hard X-mas canes, the OJ and maple syrup diet and that time with the lug-nut-size bolt and the carbeurator; head turns while teeth shatter. Okay, so it didn’t break our teeth, probably just scarred them for the rest of our life.And another thing is we’ve been saving our direct deposit slips for diamonds and platinum as the next operation. Not cavity filler, jewels and richness to bring us more personal glory whenever our royal mouth should feel like publicly appearing.
So we ache.”Son of a Bush!”
“Alright, I know what to do. No more bank-account schwilling dentist’s visits. I have a pencil’s eraser!”Mmm … warm rubber. Brilliant as our yellow-toothed grin.Here’s being grateful for those stain-blessed meal blenders.