Summit Up 12-16-10: Where cheetahs spurn fad diets
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that is having one of those stare-at-the-blank-page moments right now, where the blinking cursor continues to insist we type some stuff and make the column, y’know, something stimulating, worth reading.What will it take, we wonder, to get this thing off the ground? Sometimes it’s just a random word to get it going, so let’s give a few of those a try:Meatloaf!Juggernaut!Milkweed!Bildungsroman!Speaking of milkweed (see, it’s working!), we were perusing the aisles of one of our local natural food stores recently and we were simply floored by the amount of vitamins and supplements available nowadays. Each one of these things is aimed at a specific ailment or body part (joint pain, stress, male/female issues, etc.), and we’re convinced that, if you were to take all of the supplements recommended on all those bottles, you would have like 17 pounds of pills and capsules to consume every day. And we can’t help but think that if you just ate a normal, relatively healthy diet, all that stuff would be unecessary.Just imagine if you were a cheetah or a wildebeest or a great horned owl or a California sea lion or even just some dude living a thousand years ago: You wouldn’ve have any flax seed or ginkgo biloba crap to make it through the day. You’d just have a zebra haunch and some watering hole water, or some plankton and krill or some field mice or whatever.Animals pretty much have the diet thing figured out, for the most part, don’t they? You won’t catch them eating Slim Jims or Ho-Hos or smoking Kool 100s or any of that. They don’t have to appear on Crying Fatties (our name for The Biggest Loser) because they weigh 14 times more than they’re supposed to, nor do they have to excercise beyond their normal exertions.Give us the life of a cheetah, we say. It’s simpler! Which reminds us of a great bad joke:Lady Lion No. 1: I left my husband.Lady Lion No. 2: Why?LL1: I found out he was a cheetah.(rimshot)***So we’re pretty excited about some of the new inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which was announced this week. New inductees include Neil Diamond, Tom Waits, Alice Cooper, Dr. John and Darlene Love.We’re not sure who Darlene Love is and we don’t know much about Dr. John but the other three are pretty significant in our musical history. When we were kids, our dad listened to Neil Diamond almost exclusively, and even though we didn’t mean to, we wound up knowing the words to songs like “Sweet Caroline,” “Red, Red Wine” and “Kentucky Woman” so well that, years later, when we actually decided we liked Neil OK, we knew all the words from all those long road trips. Our dad also loved to torment us with crappy music he’d buy in the bargain bin, and he had one cassette of Great Train Songs that torments us to this day. You just don’t know true hell until you’ve been exposed to an hour or two of things like “Wabash Cannonball” and “Wreck of the Old 97” by Roy Acuff – all while being asphixiated by Salem smoke with the windows rolled up.Ah, childhood in the ’70s!And what more can we say about Tom Waits, America’s greatest poet and Alice Cooper, whose idea for a band was simply to dress and act in a manner he knew parents would hate. Talk about a key to a teenager’s heart!As for Darlene Love, she’s an R&B singer who’s done a bunch of different stuff, according to Wikipedia. How’s that for a comprehensive bio?***Gotta run, folks. We’ve got our Christmas party tonight at the new Fifth Avenue Grille in Frisco and we can’t wait to check it out!Sayonara, America.
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