Summit Up 12-19-2010: Looking for a little scandal
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that needs a good scandal. We, dear readers, are going through a tragic scandal dry spell. It seems it has been so long since something really interesting happened that the American news media has been forced to report on boring things. We are actually aware of what’s going in Congress regarding the future of the “Bush tax cuts.” That’s just sad. Oh, don’t get us wrong, we’re proud of the valiant effort our brethren have put forth attempting to turn that issue into a partisan-war scandal. But, despite their best efforts, it just doesn’t compare to some of the stuff we’ve seen, ya know?
You have to admit, it has been a heck of a year as far as scandals go. First, there was the BP oil spill scandal which brought with it a lovely silver lining in the form of a legitimate reason to be pissed off at the British (that whole taxation without representation grudge was starting to get old, you have to admit).
We jest, of course, but it was some pretty interesting news while it lasted. Little did we know, things were only going to get better as 2010 wore on. For just a few months later the FBI identified no fewer than 10 Russian sleeper spies embedded in the United States of America! And, as if a story like that could possibly get juicier, one or two of them were hot! Now, that was a scandal to rival Watergate. One for the ages, our friends. Of course, these were no Russian James Bonds and the fact that they didn’t actually manage to transmit much useful information to the Russian government did put a bit of a damper on the whole thing. Shame, it really had the makings of an Academy Award winning “based on a true story,” Cold War thriller movie there for a few weeks.
To polish it all off it was an election year. Ever the trusty source of scandal, the 2010 midterm elections didn’t disappoint. For a while there, they were churning out a new scandal with every other TV ad.
Yes, 2010 has delivered some excellent gossip. But in the last few weeks, the scandal well seems to have run dry. This came to our attention when we realized we had practically resorted to gossiping about our neighbors and the entirely fictional scandals in the works on Grey’s Anatomy. It’s pathetic. Fact is, we’ve got a lot of holiday parties to make conversation at and we need something to talk about. Are we really supposed to believe that, with Christmas approaching, the whole world has just settled down to sing about joy and drink eggnog? That everyone has just stopped doing illegal, immoral, crazy, stupid or just plain bizarre things? Impossible! No, mark our words, somewhere someone noteworthy is buying drugs or having an affair or picking their nose in public and we’re all just sitting here not knowing about it! Can you people live with that? Well we can’t! We’re going to go use our gum-shoe-reporter investigative prowess to find out who it is!
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